Planner: “I reserve the right to be a total bitch at least 15 times a semester.”

Skeptical Poli Sci professor: “Apparently some people care more about Post Malone than politics. I have no idea who Post Malone is, and I have no interest in knowing.”

Hardo professor: “I thought during fall break we still hold class.”

Black Eyed Peas Stan: "My wedding song is going to be 'Boom Boom Pow'.” 

Totally not poisoned: "My mom got really into Munchausen by Proxy 10 years ago."

Big Daddy (?): “This is the most important theory you’re going to learn. It’s the Big Daddy theorem!”