Amateur Tooth Fairy: *long pause* "Maybe I have a tooth fetish …"

Modern–Day Betty Friedan: "I live my whole life according to a man’s dietary restrictions."

Druggy Dietician: "Why would you quit weed? It's healthy … it's like its own food group."

Puts the 'Colic' in Bucolic: "Butter isn't a condiment; it's like sludge. Cow sludge."

Wannabe Too Good To Go Ambassador: "I'm just a food waste warrior!"