Supreme Kirby–in–Chief: “I’m such a tactile little chomper.”

Fifty Shades of Leviticus: “It was #bondage. It was so biblical.”

The Land Before Minimum Wage: “I make like two cents every Mesozoic Era.”

Just Got Their Nipples Pierced: “Someone will think I dropped pizza on myself, but it’s not pepperoni they’re seeing.”

SEPTA–sexual: “Public transportation is like men. You give them everything, and you get nothing.”