Scenario 1:
In an obvious yet profitable move, J. Ro planned to capitalize on the similarities between her and J. Lo's adopted names. A line of low-rise jeans, sunglasses reaching from the apex of the forehead to the chin and a West Philly-scented perfume soon hit the NYC-mod scene to critical indifference. She then appeared in Gigli Puff, a tale of two rag-tags involved in the kidnapping of a psychologically-challenged Pikachu. And as quick as her collagen-butt injections settled, she faded into obscurity.
Scenario 2:
Unsatisfied with being just the first female Ivy League President, Rodin set out on a campaign to become the first female President of the World. When told such a position doesn't exist, she replied, "Yeah, and next you'll tell me that Penn is really an Ivy League school."
Scenario 3:
After stepping down as Penn's president, Dr. Rodin decided to take some "Judy Time" in order to reconnect with her inner spirit. She began taking pottery classes, solved Biggie's murder, stalked the Pope and wrote To Revive A Mockingbird, the sequel to Harper Lee's classic. She also used her newfound free time to do the one thing that she'd always wanted to do: expose herself to Al Sharpton. She is currently serving six to 10 months for indecent exposure and resisting arrest. She's also become Martha Stewart's bitch.
Scenario 4:
Wanting to dabble in the world of television, Rodin went on to host a college admissions-based reality show. Ten of the brightest high school seniors competed for admission to the nation's top universities. The events ranged from learning only first names, staying out of real relationships and dressing exactly the same. In a twist at the end of the season, they revealed that none of the events matter as long as you're rich.
Scenario 5:
Judy Rodin decided to take a break from working to relax and enjoy her small fortune, so she went to Vegas. There, she developed a passion for mango daiquiris and card-counting. This new lifestyle soon turned destructive, however, when Dr. Rodin awoke hungover one morning to find that she had shot down a police helicopter and married Britney Spears (twice). Before leaving Vegas, Rodin found herself in the spotlight, once again, when she and Celine Dion got into a fist fight. When pressed for comment, a despondent and bloodied Dr. Rodin replied, "That [expletive] French-Canadian better [expletive] watch her back."
Scenario 6:
Dr. Rodin decided that she had grown tired of her life in academia, so she accepted the position of Dean at Princeton University.
