This week's campus profile was supposed to feature an exclusive interview with Career Service's one and only Peggy Curchack. However, due to mitigating circumstances -- i.e. an overload of resume workshop commitments -- the omnipresent, yet elusive Curchack has declined all press contact for the remainder of the week.
Thus, Street presents an exclusive heart-to-heart with Penn's favorite giant brass statue: Benjamin Franklin.
Street: So Ben, how does it feel to be dead and preserved upon a bench in the form of a statue?
Benjamin Franklin: Sexually frustrating. Statue hormones feel like permanent puberty.
Street: Hmm...didn't know that.
BF: Attractive women often sit on my lap. Did you know that I used to be quite a rake? I had many female sexual partners.
Street: You were a womanizing mysoginist.
BF: Mysoginist? So that's why Street keeps rejecting all my shoutouts.
Street: No, we reject your shoutouts because they're not funny.
BF: All I want in my statue-ey heart is to write a shoutout to those stupid drunken frat assholes who always piss on me in the middle of the night on weekends.
Street: I'd imagine that would be frustrating.
BF: Nah, I kind of like it. It's better than those sorostitute teases who give me lap dances and then trot off before culmination.
Street: Ben, this is awkward.
BF: Sorry.
Street: It's okay. Hey, did you ever notice you have a brass bird sitting next to your shoulder?
BF: Hey, did you ever notice you ask too many fucking questions?
