Titanic

Jack and Rose find each other in the ocean. Jack is able to find a board and tells Rose to get on it and she will be safe. Using her common sense, Rose says to Jack, "Hey, this board is big enough for the both of us. Why don't you get on here with me? That way neither one of us freezes to death in the water." During the night, Jack realizes Rose is an idiot who should have stayed on the boat with her mom, and once she falls asleep he pushes her off of the wooden board. Jack lives happily ever after.

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

Elliott stands in front of a giant UFO waving goodbye to his good friend E.T. E.T. points his finger to his heart and says, "Ouch." Just when Elliott goes to do the same, E.T. splits in half and out pops Drew Barrymore as a 30-year old. She says, "You just got Punk'd." Then she goes on to tell Elliott that even though he has a much bigger role in the film, she will inevitably be a thousand times more popular. Elliott runs off crying and little Drew takes a swig of Jack Daniel's from her flask.

Citizen Kane

We have learned about Kane's life, his wife, and Xanadu. He is lying on his death bed, and just before he dies, he says "Rosebud..." All of a sudden there is a flashback to three weeks prior. Kane is sitting at a table eating a big piece of cherry pie. Suddenly he gets called out of the room by an unseen person. When he returns, the pie is gone, and Kane repeats to himself, "Rosebud... Rosebud... Rosebud...."

Mary Poppins

Mary Poppins stands in front of her charges, ready to say a final goodbye. Just as she is about to leave, the po-po come knocking on the Banks' door. Whatever for? Turns out Mary Poppins is more than just a nanny - she's a narcotics agent. The laughing fits, floating sensations, trips to magical lands... all explained by the "spoonful of sugar" that helps the medicine go down. As she is cuffed and led into a funky old-fashioned police car, the camera pans up to Poppins's umbrella, floating alone up into the clouds.

Home Alone

Through his cunning and wits, poor little Kevin McAllister survives the bandits, but his psyche isn't as lucky. Still in shock that his family forgot him, and disturbed by the things that went on with Harry and Marv that could not be shown in a PG movie, Kevin finds himself institutionalized in a home for the insane. This leaves the franchise wide open for sequels such as Home Alone 2: Lost in a Valium-Induced Coma and Home Alone 3: We Couldn't Afford Culkin, and He's Too Old Anyway, But Here's Another Little Kid we can Ruin. Ha.

The Shining

In the nick of time Jack realizes what's going on, and just before he starts using his ax to attack the door Shelley Duvall is hiding behind, he starts crying and begging for forgiveness. After returning to society, tests are performed and it is discovered that the high lead content in the Overlook's paint causes those who spend prolonged time periods in the resort to go insane. The family receives a cash settlement of $27 million, and the film ends with Danny Torrance starring in his own show on the Psychic Network.


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