Vin Diesel has the mental capacity of a Lego Block. That becomes clear as Diesel, once an up-and-coming action hero, reprises one of his most Neanderthal-like roles. Once again, he's Riddick, the only evil that is evil enough to combat an even greater evil.

In Pitch Black, Riddick takes on a bunch of creatures who feast on people at night. There was a semblance of plot amidst all the pseudo-angst. At least, all those who enjoyed the original 2000 film could argue there were more than just explosions. Riddick was a man with crazy blue eyes who was able to see in the dark. Plus, stuff blew up.

In The Chronicles of Riddick, director David Twohy -- also responsible for the original -- makes a grave mistake. He creates a plot rife with ridiculous weaponry and he forces Vin Diesel to speak.

A scene which typifies the film's inane nature occurs on planet Crematoria. Here, half the world is -300 degrees and half the world is 700 degrees. One character remarks, "If I had a home in Hell and Crematoria, I'd live in Hell and rent this one out." On Crematoria is a prison where Vin Diesel is being sent for crimes that are never quite fleshed out. Something about Riddick being a badass. It's not really important.

As his lady friend sits trapped in the cliffs, about to be consumed by the 700 degree flames, Riddick goes into hero mode. He gruffs, "Give me all your water!" This amounts to a bucket the size of a watering can. He douses his face and body and uses rope to swing down through the fire, picking up his lady and returning her to relative safety.

Several things. Rope burns. Doesn't it? Also, the flames that engulf an entire countryside leave a little steam coming off Riddick's head. He's otherwise untouched.

That's far too much attention and thought to give to this movie. Riddick is failed catch phrases, ludicrous dialogue and more sci-fi jibber-jabber than any D&D fan could take. Atrocious.


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