As far as movies are concerned, the first few months of any year always suck. Since major studios tend to release their Oscar contenders in the summer and fall, all they can serve the hungry nerds now are mere table scraps. The truth is, a lot of interesting-looking films are coming out soon, so it's our job to point them out. And you better go see them, damnit, or there'll be hell to pay. They're only... $10 at the Bri-- wait, $10? That's a shitload of money! Just download these instead. You don't get sued until you download, like, 20 anyway.
Barry Watson, Emily Deschanel, Lucy Lawless
The amorphous monster that has haunted all of our childhoods and gave us our first taste of crackhead-like paranoia hits the big screen in all its fear-inducing glory. Hopefully the story is still scary despite the fact that most of us are no longer seven years old. (www.sonypictures.com/movies/boogeyman).
Inside Deep Throat
Linda Lovelace, Gore Vidal, John Waters
The social uproar caused by the legendary '70s porn film, Deep Throat is explored in this documentary. Stand by for a probing look at body hair, atrocious lighting and technique at its finest. (www.universalpictures.com).
Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Gavin Rossdale
Keanu assumes the role of the brooding hero endowed with a torturous talent: the ability to see angelic and demonic human hybrids that walk among us. Reeves and detective Weisz troll Los Angeles to find the mongrels responsible for her twin sister's death. Amazing. (www.constantinemovie.com).
John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Vince Vaughn
John Travolta continues his role as Chili Parmer from Get Shorty in this glitzy movie that's oh-so-lucky to have the Rock sport a fro-wig in it. I mean, this movie has it all: the Russian Mafia, slick dialogue and a skinnier John Travolta. I can now die happy. (www.mgm.com/becool).
The Ring Two
As if people didn't get the shit scared out of them the first time, we have the pleasure of seeing Samara onscreen once more. What's even greater, besides the notorious unmarked video tape, is a freaky-looking, non-makeup wearing Sissy Spacek. (www.thering2-themovie.com).
Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous
Sandra Bullock, Regina King, Ernie Hudson
Gracie Hart strikes back after a successful stint as a pageant-winning FBI agent. This time finds Bullock with showgirl sequins and a sassy "sistah" bodyguard as the two avenge the kidnapping of Hart's pageant friends. This promises to be an instance where neither style nor substance is applicable. (www.armedandfabulous.warnerbros.com).
Melinda and Melinda
Will Ferrell, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Chlo? Sevigny
This comedy/drama is directed by Woody Allen and stars Will Ferrell. Expect typical Woody Allen modern day Manhattan angst but with the sexiness of Ferrell's hairy body. Oh man, I hope I get to see him shirtless once more. (www.foxsearchlight.com).
Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Benicio Del Toro, Clive Owen
Film noir to the max, this is another comic-book inspired movie with an all-star cast that's partially directed by Quentin Tarantino. Besides the really cool cinematography, the preview also shows an undulating Jessica Alba as a stripper. 'Nuff said. (www.miramax.com).