Pumpkin spice Highbrow! Just kidding, our doctor told us that we’re allergic to that tragic seasonal flavor. Fall is here—let the gourd times roll.

People come and go, but sometimes you should really just cum and go. At a fraternity late night last week, two party goers slipped away from the crowd and found privacy in the library on the second floor. Highbrow hears the duo unfortunately did not realize that everyone at the late night had left their shit in the library—jackets, coats and purses filled the room. When three juniors tried to walk into the library to grab their belongings, they saw the butt naked pair having sex. Needless to say, everyone had an O face. As the penetration continued, a crowd outside the library began to form as more people tried to get their stuff. This one’s for the books. Next time you feel fucked while studying in the library, think again.

Is your body from McDonald’s? Because I’m loving it. Late one night at the one and only Micky D’s last week, one douchey football player made a rude comment to a girl about her weight. In relation, the girl whipped out her pepper spray and unleashed it all over the guy. She got a little carried away and began to spray the area surrounding her. Is McFury a new menu item? Other McDonald’s diners evacuated the joint coughing and congregated outside. The police arrived and got everything under control. Next time, don’t be a supersized fuckboy. We should always try to McLove, not war.

We have an update! Remember our onesie–wearing sophomore who slipped in an elevator, shattering her foot and ankle bones? She’s recovering, but last weekend, she found herself in a pickle. As the sophomore went out with friends one night, she took her scooter along with her...because that’s how she moves. As she mingled and danced the night away in her cast, one sneaky fucker stole the scooter. Why is the world so cruel? The scooter has yet to be found, but remember: trust no one. If you spot the scooter looter, sext us.

The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered through tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.


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