Next week’s Dining Guide had us inspired to check out the techy kitchen gadgets on the market right now. However, upon further inspection, we realized how ridiculously expensive/nonsensical these items are. Here is a roundup of the most ridiculous ones; we listed them next to some typical Penn purchases/money–earners so you can see just how many Wharton Behavioral Labs you'll have to do in order to have it in your Beige Block kitchen. 

Available for pre–order, the Somabar is a wifi–enabled craft cocktail maker for home use. Basically, this is a Nespresso machine for cocktails. Say goodbye to Banker's and Coke and hello to customizable cocktails in seconds. We’d like one for every room in our house please. Available for only $429 (aka get ready to sell your soul in order to split the tab with your eight roommates). 

Number of Wharton Behavioral Labs Necessary to pay for this: Approximately 43. Better get crackin'.

Ravi Instant Wine Chiller —For the low, low price of $28.99, you can impress your friends/hookups/ mom by ~instantly chilling~ your Sunset Blush, making it a hell of a lot classier (and a lot more palatable).

Boxes of Sunset Blush you could buy instead of this: Approximately two.

Williams–Sonoma has an entire section dedicated to breakfast appliances—who knew? SpreadTHAT is a metal knife that uses heat conduction to soften butter that can then be spread on toast easily. Commons is the newest BYOK (bring your own knife). Because the spreading of cold butter on hot toast has truly mystified culinary experts and college students alike, there is another product for this; a butter knife that grates cold butter. They retail for $19.99 and $28.99, respectively.

Schmear It bagels (with pre–spread butter) you could buy instead of these: Between seven and ten, depending on which ~magical~ butter spread you choose. 

Allegro is for peasants. Coming from the holiday gift guide of queen Gwyneth Paltrow, you need this wood fire pizza oven & smoker. From Thos. Baker, it is practically a steal at $1,995. We predict this becoming the next dorm room start–up, as the oven contains a glass section so you can monitor your meals as they cook. SO much better than a microwave!

Fling Concerts you need to skip to afford this : Only about 50! See you at Fling 2066!