My mother always told me, "Don't send naked pictures because they will get out and you will be known as 'The Boob.'"
Terrified of being classified as a single boob, I held off on sending adolescent nude pics in my childhood home. However, these days, I consider myself a semi-adult, and my mom isn't here to walk in on me taking a nude selfie in my full length mirror.
With that in mind, I have decided that I can do things like send boys pictures of my naked chest– and let's just say I am damn good at it. Which is why I'm here to offer some advice.
The Six Commandments:
Thou Shall Send Tasteful Nudes
-If you’re not showing any nip, face is fair game. Cleavage is sexy.
-I would advise against full nudes including your face, because when all of you run for public office you can emerge with your head held high, like Anthony Weiner.
Thou Shall Only Send Dick Pics* if the recipient has seen said dick
As in, you’re not getting laid if the recipient doesn’t like the dick: let the disappointment happen in person!! (You most likely will be shamed in a listserv too.)
Thou shall NOT SHOW YOUR FRIENDS/ROOMMATE/SECOND COUSIN the nude.**
Thou shall not get into weird shit unless you have already tried it w/ your partner.
-Nothing drives a tinder date away faster than asking if you can pee on them.
Thou Shall Warn before sending a nude at work but not warn before sending at VP because people enjoy seeing nudie snaps at VP.
However, unexpected snapchat nudes are welcomed, especially with ironic locations.These include, but are not limited to:The Department of the Treasury, Goldman Sachs Bathroom, Outdoors.
Thou shall sext back anytime after 11 pm.
Ideally, you should sext back at all times, but drunk and horny go together like fires and Castle. It helps if you know if the recipient is a T/A kinda person. That way, you can send appropriate snaps.
Taking pictures of your ass is really hard. Try laying on a bed, slightly pushing your butt in the air, while taking a picture over your shoulder. Guarantees your ass will look good.
Photobooth on Mac is underrated. Quality nudes have been captured on this simple tool. Look at Kim K.
Customization is welcomed. For example, the recipient loves DonaldTrump? Nothing is sexier than a spray tan and a “Make America Great Again” hat.
*this is an unpopular opinion, #sorrynotsorry.
** Unless you recieve a dick pic…. Definitely allowed to be shown to other people for bragging rights/lol’s
