This year Perry World House opened, causing many students to wonder, "Why can we afford this but not GSRs for students in the College?” No one seems to know what exactly happens in PWH, but here’s a few things that probably do:

  1. Amy Gutmann swims around in a ball pit full of money
  2. Duels between Le Anh and The Real Le Anh
  3. Social events for people that have completed Thrive At Penn
  4. A basilisk emerges through a portal to the Chamber of Secrets
  5. Cult sacrifices of people who don’t like "Bad and Boujee"
  6. People using Go Puff
  7. Consultants gather and discuss in understandable terms what they do for a living
  8. A support group for students who lived in Hill last year right before it got renovated
  9. Fish farm for Mark's Cafe sushi
  10. A study spot for every person that has ever flyered on Locust and made eye contact with you when you just wanted to pretend like you were reading an important text on your phone but looked up too soon so had to take their piece of acapella propaganda
  11. Biden eating Wawa mac n’ cheese and Facetime–ing Obama
  12. Amy Gutmann sobbing over the PR nightmare of Trump being a Penn alum
  13. Clinical studies of students who have never been to a bar or bat mitzvah
  14. Events to get donors to give money for another Perry World House
  15. Synergy

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