Most pitcher–friendly: Virgin Paloma

  • 2 oz. red grapefruit juice
  • 0.5 oz. lime juice
  • 0.5 oz. simple syrup
  • Club soda

This is probably the easiest mocktail on this list, which makes it perfect for throwing together last–minute when you finally wrangle your sober bestie into going out. Combine the lime juice, simple syrup, and grapefruit juice in a glass, add ice and club soda, and serve with a garnish of mint leaves or lime slices.

Alcoholic option: Add 1.5 oz. tequila.

Best to drink through a swirly straw: Spicy Mango Lemonade Slushie

  • 2 oz. mango lemonade ice cubes
  • 3 oz. mango lemonade (liquid)
  • ¼ cup frozen mango chunks
  • Cayenne pepper, to taste

Start by giving the ice cubes a good 3 hours to freeze properly (or longer if you got your mini fridge from Facebook Marketplace). Then, combine all the ingredients in a blender and hope your RA doesn’t care that you violated the Student Compact by owning one. 

Alcoholic option: Replace 1.5 oz. of the mango lemonade with vodka.

How to finally use your Trader Joe’s basil plant: Plum Basil Spritz

  • ½ plum, chopped and pit removed
  • 5 basil leaves
  • 0.5 oz. simple syrup
  • Seltzer water

Before midterms season hits and you accidentally kill your basil plant by forgetting to water it, try your hand at making an herbal mocktail. Begin by muddling the plum, basil, and simple syrup in a tall glass. Top with seltzer water, then strain into a different glass and garnish with a few more basil leaves.

Alcoholic option: Add 1.5 oz. gin.

For the (sober) bougie bitch: Virgin Mojito

  • A sprig of mint
  • 0.5 oz. simple syrup
  • 1 oz. lime juice
  • Sparkling water

As the throes of seasonal depression start to set in but you don’t want to drink your problems away, make this summery mocktail as a (less effective, but much healthier) alternative to blacking out. Muddle the mint, simple syrup, and lime juice in a glass, then strain into another and top with sparkling water. You can also add a handful of fresh fruit before the muddling—blackberries are my personal favorite—for the only drink that’ll rival your SSRIs.

Alcoholic option: Add 1.5 oz. white rum.

Mocktails on hard mode: The Rose Fizz

  • 1 egg white
  • 0.5 oz. lemon juice
  • 0.5 oz. simple syrup
  • ¼ teaspoon rosewater
  • Sparkling water

Maybe you dream of becoming a bartender someday; maybe you’re a masochist who ran out of other ways to torture yourself. Either way, this mocktail will test your mixology skills, requiring you to dry shake an egg white with lemon juice, rosewater, and simple syrup to create a foamy texture. Pour it into a fancy coupe glass of your choosing, and top with sparkling water. 

Alcoholic option: Add 1.5 oz. gin.