How to stalk a celebrity
The happiest day of my life was when I met John Stamos. I was 16 when I waited for him outside of Cabaret. Then it happened, my first mistake as a celebrity stalker. He emerged from the stage door and I burst into tears. It was the overwhelming sensation of meeting Uncle Jesse, the pinnacle of manhood, the link to the Olsen Twins, which sent me into hysterics. I started to cry out "Uncle Jesse" in between my sobs. We took the obligatory photo. I got the autograph. And he was gone. Then, I realized that I was an idiot.