How to Sound Knowledgeable At Your Oscars Viewing Party
Illustration by Amy Chen
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Illustration by Amy Chen
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Are your number of Twitter followers just not cutting it? Ever wanted to have millions of people held captive on the edge of their seat, waiting to see what you’ll say or do next? Alice has.
If you think The Lego Movie was the biggest snub in the animated film department, or even if you think Boyhood is the anthem for the common man, you haven’t seen this film.
“What do Wharton and Harold & Kumar have in common?” you may ask. That’d be Penn Alumn Jon Hurwitz, the would-be investment banker and Finance graduate of Wharton who asked, “why sell my soul to the banking world when I can sell it to Hollywood, instead?” Responsible for writing and producing the Harold & Kumar trilogy, Hurwitz is hard at work, combining biting social commentary and comedy on his Twitter.
“The Giver”: The much awaited film adaptation of the beloved pick of your seventh grade reading list is already one of the most discussed releases of the summer season. Reactions are already mixed, with lovers of the book questioning fundamental aspects featured in the trailer while heavy–hitters Meryl Streep and Jeff Bridges inspire some faith in the production value. Oh, and who’s that on the cast list? Oh right, it’s Taylor Swift. Release Date: August 15, 2014 “Wish I Was Here”: Remember Garden State? This is the de facto sequel, in which Zach Braff documents the life of a soul–searching and lovable would–be artist (“Gains part of himself he couldn’t find” is part of a synopsis for both “Garden State” and “Wish I Was Here”). Buzz has surrounded this film since its crowdsource–funded infancy (sup Kickstarter), which may explain such casting choices as Kate Hudson (better known these days for her celebrity status than her acting chops) and broadway boy Josh Gad (fresh off Olaf the Snowman fame). Time will tell if it’s a film worth watching for its quirky flavor or for the appeal only a trainwreck can muster. Release Date: July 25, 2014 “Neighbors”: Because where the quirky and witty fail in humor, sex and Seth Rogen succeed. This comedy pits family man Rogen against frat boy Zac Efron and, if Rotten Tomatoes reviews are any indication, it’s the audience choice for a summertime hit with a 100% certified fresh rating. Credit for success is perhaps due to the fact that the director (like many who are willing to cast Seth Rogen) is another Apatow baby. Regardless, the film promises cheap laughs if nothing else. Release Date: May 9, 2014 “A Million Ways to Die in the West”: Seth McFarlane shows his face for film for the first time since Oscar hosting failure “We Saw Your Boobs,” and he’s back in full force for a star–studded romp in the Old West. While McFarlane’s comedic style is an acquired taste, it was good enough to get folk like Neil Patrick Harris and Liam Neeson to hop onboard. As this film is sure to both offend and tickle audiences, the jury’s out on whether or not one could have just as much fun just staying home and watching an episode of Family Guy. Release Date: May 30, 2014 “Filth”: A movie named “Filth,” brought to you by the same man who directed the bizarre but brilliant “Trainspotting,” is guaranteed to live up to its gritty title. Detailing a corrupt cop’s (James McAvoy) descent in depravity, this film is sure to headline lists of “films American audiences aren’t remotely prepared for.” If you want to know what you might be in for, just Google, “‘Trainspotting’ toilet scene.” Release Date: April 24, 2014
“Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade”: Nothing makes religious relics sexier than putting them in the hands of a young Harrison Ford. While not specifically about religion, this third film in the “Indy” trilogy (let’s forget the fourth ever happened) portrays religion as capable of converting the cynical archaeologist to a man of faith and the Holy Grail as capable of not only endowing immortality, but also destroying entire buildings and forcibly aging men into skeletons. That’s the power of God.
"City Lights": Charlie Chaplin’s Little Tramp falls in love with a blind flower girl who mistakes the tramp for a wealthy gentleman. A charade ensues that displays not only the heart–warming courtship by a man with a heart of gold, but also his experiences on “the other side of the tracks,” mingling with the absurdly wealthy of the town. Chaplin makes the audience acutely aware of the frivolous waste of the wealthy in this depression era film, which is more focused on truth than the escapist films of its generation.
“What should happen to me?” you might ask yourself as the weekend of love notes and dreaded rejection looms ahead.
A smoky room. Drinks litter the atmosphere. Intoxicated men spit insipid conversation at heavily made–up women. They have high hopes of getting some (thing). A woman sees that gal she knew once, and a passive–aggressive battle of jealousy plays out before an audience of amused and bewildered spectators. “I thought they were friends! What bitches,” an onlooker comments.
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