OBJECTIVE
Seeking a strategy, operations management, finance, accounting, risk and compliance, governance, taxation or business systems and management consulting internship with opportunity to apply both general and specialized leadership abilities and analytical skills in a learning environment. Desire a role in which an abundance of buzzwords and a lack of experience is valued.
EDUCATION
University of Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, PA
Candidate for Bachelor of Arts in Economics, or Math or Computer Science but most likely will switch to English by the end of the semester
GPA: Don't worry about it.
WORK EXPERIENCE
Analyst, University of Pennsylvania Society of Introversion, Fall 2013
Head researcher and product tester for an in–depth comparative study and analysis of web series pairings with different alcohols in order to determine which Netflix show and Franzia variety combination produces the most desirable state of mind.
Childcare Specialist, random town that is obvi right outside “the city,” 1996–present
In charge of managing and maintaining order of my three younger siblings in times of need (like trips to the grocery store, anniversary night or any time my mother wanted to punish me for my phone bill).
Project Manager and Staff Moderator, same town as above, all of high school
Took the role of the entire group in group projects in order to avoid tension among group members, to get an A, be deemed a hardo, but all in the name of eventually going to a brand name school to get to a point where this résumé will be sent to someone who owes a favor to my dad.
TECHNICAL SKILLS
Experience with Microsoft Word, able to enter language into cells on Microsoft Excel, fluent in Emoji, able to connect to AirPennNet anywhere on campus.
INTERESTS
BuzzFeed quizzes to help discover my true personality, reading the Cosmo SnapNews before getting out of bed, people watching, convincing everyone in my family I have my life together.
