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(11/30/06 5:00am)
Penn students are known for their diverse interests. We work, volunteer, play, party, procrastinate and work for secret government agencies. I like to rollerblade, listen to really bad music, and write for this despicable publication. However, I do have one very obscure and odd interest: Facebook-stalking child stars.
(09/21/06 4:00am)
This summer I, like many of my peers, interned in New York. I learned many things, but most importantly I learned what others neglected to mention: ALERT! Internships are awesomely aaaawkwarrrd.
(09/14/06 4:00am)
This summer I, like many of my peers, interned in New York. I learned many things, but most importantly I learned what others neglected to mention: ALERT! Internships are awesomely aaaawkwarrrd.
(03/23/06 5:00am)
The term douche is thrown around a lot on college campuses everywhere, but I think "the douche" has a special home at Penn. Here at 34th Street we satirize a lot of different types of douches week in and week out. However, the purpose of this letter is not to highlight the nuances between a "d-bag" and a "deputy douche," for, we understand them all too well. They are in our classes, at the gym, subletting our houses, living on our halls and stealing our oxygen everywhere we go. They come in all different colors, shapes and sizes, but they share one thing is common: the propensity to resemble a sack of vaginal fluid.
(02/02/06 5:00am)
This week's "That Guy" is none other than Michael C. Maronna. Michael C. who, you ask? You may not know his name but you'll never forget his pale skin, gangly figure, fiery mane or his cracking pubescent voice as narrator of the bizarre storylines of Nickelodeon's cult favorite, The Adventures of Pete and Pete.
(10/06/05 4:00am)
According to the U.S. Center for Disease Control, six out of 10 Americans are either overweight or obese, but have you ever noticed how these same large and in charge Americans are obsessed with Disney's Winnie the Pooh? Next time you're in the airport, WWE Rumble or a bowling alley keep your eyes peeled. They'll be the ones breathing Darth Vader-style behind you with the Tigger t-shirt poking out of their tent-sized acid-washed overalls (all this adds beautifully to their overall lack of body shape). The mullet is optional but the Winnie the Pooh t-shirt, fanny pack, water bottle and feather pens are obligatory.
(05/26/05 4:00am)
I have what some may call a sick affection for the homeless. I don't know whether it's their dirty skin, smelly garb, or the possibility that they're schizophrenic and bipolar but those boys (and girls) just make me smile.
Now that it's warming up in Philly my homeless people are no more. As we speak they are migrating onto bigger and better places -- Rittenhouse Square, Fairmount Park, or perhaps even Bermuda. A couple weeks ago at McDonalds I had a lovely conversation with a homeless gentlemen about his house in Bermuda. He said he had a lovely home and recommended I come visit him. I gave him my spare change but was tempted to ask "if you have such a wonderful house in Bermuda what are you doing begging for 'bus change' at 1:00 a.m.?" Oh delusions of grandeur, how I love thee!
Whether it be New Jersey or Bermuda, many of the homeless are leaving us for the summer. No more lying to them outside Wawa. Although we use the same cheap lie, "sorry, no cash," they take it like gentlemen. They respect our answer even though they watched us withdraw crisp twenties from the ATM. This summer there will be no more cute little homeless people popping up out of the nasty steam grates on our way home from the library. Those little suckers have probably taken ten years off my life with their silly games of "terrify the paranoid college girl."
I don't really know where my affection for the homeless came from. Although I'm originally from New York, I was a little girl there and the homeless people in New York are generally more polite, more talented, and scarcer. They open doors and fight for the honor of performing music in the subways (or is that Paris?). And unlike Philadelphian homeless people, they don't stalk you when you refuse to give them money (Although I enjoy a good ol' stalking -- it's refreshing to be on the other side every once in a while).
Maybe my obsession with the homeless comes from watching early childhood movies. I just loved Curly Sue. She was a spunky and homeless yet cute as a button. Or maybe it was that charming Pigeon woman in Mary Poppins. She seemed happy enough letting pigeons shit on her all day; why can't we all be happy with that? Or the hot fashion campaign of Jacobin Mugatu in Zoolander. The tattered clothes, the shopping carts, the hilarity - oh my! And then there is the knock-off pigeon woman from Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. She was living at Carnegie Hall because she loved classical music. Now that is glamorous, classy, and affordable. No wonder I love these crazy (literally and figuratively), smelly, dirty, conning men and women. Bon voyage derelicts -- I look forward to our reunion in September!
(03/24/05 5:00am)
One, two, three and four, five, six, seven, and eight." These sounds of drilling dancers to perfection are the first things I hear above my own desperate gasps for air as I scale the steps of Pottruck Fitness Center (perhaps it's been a little too long since I last visited the gym) to watch Strictly Funk's reherse for their spring show. Disturbingly high heart rates aside, as I arrive on the scene, the members of Funk have already sacrificed multiple hours of their precious Sunday dancing, laughing, learning and practicing new routines for their latest show, Funk High, opening this Friday.
(11/18/04 5:00am)
Laff House
221 South Street
Wed-Thu, 8:30 p.m., Fri, 8:30 p.m. & 10:45 p.m., Sat, 7 p.m., 9 p.m. & 11 p.m., ticket prices vary
(215) 440-HAHA
www.laffhouse.com
(11/11/04 5:00am)
Bob & Barbara's Lounge
1509 South Street
Mon-Sat, 3 p.m.-2 a.m.
(215) 545-4511
(11/04/04 5:00am)
Caviar Assouline