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Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens tries to kill himself by overdosing on pain medication. Sources speculate Owens mistook the pills for Campbell's Chunky Soup. Dow to reach record high.
September 28, 2006 at 12:00 am

Street: How did you come to own Bubble House? John Wicks: I owned the building and I was approached by three kids from Wharton about a bubble tea house.
September 28, 2006 at 12:00 am

Hello. Some of you may know of what a free sample is. Some of you may know the extreme lengths that some may go to procure said samples. If you rewrite the previous sentence and replace the words "some of you" with "I" you will enter a first person narrative about the extreme and somewhat embarrassing lengths that I or "some" will go to sample, if you will, free things.
September 28, 2006 at 12:00 am

Adopted West Virginia woman learns she's royalty. Interstate relations go sour, however, when attempts to rename Maryland "East Virginia" end in bloodshed. Birth-control patch label warns of blood clots.
September 21, 2006 at 12:00 am

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September 21, 2006 at 12:00 am

Street: Ok Let's begin. So how long have you been a quizmaster? Ronan Gill: Too Long. Um, about 3 years. Street: And how did you get into the biz? RG: I've been playing quiz for about 10 years at Fergy's Pub and there are 8 of us that all play together every tues night and the guy that invented quiz, his name is Pat Hines, he's the quizmaster there, and Pat and I have been friends for years and what happened was, on a Monday Night, Pat called me and said the guy that normally does quiz can't do it anymore and didn't give him any notice and he had nobody to cover the quiz and he said, you know how the format of the quiz goes, can you go and do the quiz?
September 21, 2006 at 12:00 am

I am not an optimistic person. In fact, I would say that I'm the farthest you can get from optimistic.
September 21, 2006 at 12:00 am

Today as I walked towards my new apartment I found myself unconsciously inching closer to what used to be my home sophomore year, the infamous High Rise North, I realized the chilling fact: I am a senior and I don't live there anymore.
September 14, 2006 at 12:00 am

Girls Gone Wild producers fined $2.1 million for failing to record ages of female performers. Supreme Court fined $6.9 million for failing to see the hilarity in underage boobs. Russian protestors object to Madonna performing on a cross as a part of her "Confessions" tour.
September 14, 2006 at 12:00 am

Street: Why did you decide to buy Allegro? Dimitrios Dimopoulos: It was a good opportunity that came up.
September 14, 2006 at 12:00 am

Iowa college town reels in wake of tornado strikes. Student compares sensation to watching episode of 7th Heaven. The rising Danube causes floods in Europe. Venice has identity crisis. Katrina report recommends improving disaster response. In a similar report, comedian Chris Farley posthumously recommends low-fat salad. Enron prosecutors question Skilling's story. Audience baffled prosecutor wouldn't just take Skilling at his word. Europe starts to take harder line on terror suspects. In Paris, anyone caught trying to hijjack a plane will be sentenced to 10 days without wine, cheese or cigarettes. Ohio has its fifth mega millions win since June.
April 20, 2006 at 12:00 am

Street: Being Dean, don't you find you don't have enough time to give to your students? Dennis DeTurck: Sometimes.
April 20, 2006 at 12:00 am

While the last thing we like to do at Street is educate (we much prefer the word "inform"), exams are fast approaching.
April 20, 2006 at 12:00 am

I commenced my senior year at Penn in a fit of political rage. After having spent the summer and fall of 2004 canvassing for the John Kerry campaign, and the following spring abroad in Paris ignoring the results of the election, I returned to the States in June of 2005 only to be bombarded by torrents of Bush-friendly media images.
April 20, 2006 at 12:00 am

I am the epitome of goyim. My time at Penn, if anything, has been not unlike a large lecture course in Jews.
April 13, 2006 at 12:00 am

Italian national election remains too close to call. Winner will be decided by Florida hanging chad ballots from 2000 election. Britain confirms case of bird flu in dead swan.
April 13, 2006 at 12:00 am

Due to an overwhelming level of recent interest in Penn's squirrel community, this week, Street has decided to feature an exclusive interview with a campus squirrel. Street: Were you born on campus, Squirrel? Campus Squirrel: No, my family emigrated from war-torn Czechoslovakia after the Iron Curtain fell in '89.
April 13, 2006 at 12:00 am

Studies show hazing extends beyond frats. Several Wharton professors admit to force-feeding "new hires" crack-laced Red Bull. Webmail fails for first time in 2006. Peggy Curchack has identity crisis. Penn medical school moves up to third in nation. Crazy Carl's Online College of Rodent and Penguin Dentistry edges out the number 147,843,384 slot. Doctors worry about abortion pills' safety.
April 6, 2006 at 12:00 am

Mick Jagger is used to having younger women fall in love with him, but my first infatuation was premature even for Mick -- I was nine years old. Jagger strut down the catwalk stage at my first rock concert and I was converted.
April 6, 2006 at 12:00 am

If under- and upperclassmen have anything in common, it's an unfounded, schoolgirlish excitement over Spring Fling.
April 6, 2006 at 12:00 am