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Perfecting the Art of the SABS
The quintessential guide on how to "See And Be Seen."
OVERHEARDS 03.31.16
Guy in VP: I'm trying to buy a GSR for Theos
Things to Blame on the Green Jungle Juice You Drank
Ten consequences of the questionable mixed drink you downed on St. Fratty's Day.
THE ROUND UP 03.24.16
On second thought, you might want that extra shot of whiskey in your Bailey’s. This week’s Round Up won’t go down nearly as smooth.
OVERHEARDS 3.24.16
Queen of Wharton: I was gonna fuck this guy, but he was just so bad at negotiations that I couldn't.
Texts from Last Night: Spring Break Edition
(570): For a second I thought the dolphin was giving head to that guy at the bar.
How to Detox from Spring Break
Address the irreparable damage you have done to your body and your self–image.
Texts from Spring Break 2016
Submit your most ridiculous texts here.
What Type of Person You Are Based on Where You Camp Out During Midterms
Van Pelt Basement – You’re a Rosenparty regular. You like to SABS and procrastinate by saying hi to all of your acquaintances and whispering shouting at a table.
Overheards 02.25.16
Glaringly douchey frat bro on Locust: I have got to stop being so nice. Ya know, to girls that aren't hot and stuff.
Round Up 02.25.16
Highbrow hopes your week has gone swimmingly.
Ten Penn Rejections You Face All the Time
In order from slightly annoying to absolutely heartbreaking, here are the ten Penn rejections you face all the time.
THE ROUND UP 02.18.16
It’s hard to imagine anything more humiliating than rubbing your genitals up on some random, red-faced freshman girl in front of her whole sorority, but ending up in the Round Up comes pretty close.
Overheards 02.18.16
Jobless Junior: I stress bought a rotisserie chicken.
Valentine's Day: Your Couple Plans Decoded
A breakdown of students' Valentine's Day plans, one quasi–relationship at a time.
OVERHEARDS 02.11.16
Frat $tar (who doesn't know what Ash Wednesday is): I keep seeing all these girls with black Ts on their head, is that a Tabard thing?
LOVE AND SEX OVERHEARDS 02.11.16
Guy in the McNeil stairwell: Girls get wet when they see my rice cooker.
THE ROUND UP 02.11.16
Roses are red, violets are blue. Just be thankful in the Round Up, we never say who.
