Honest Stoner: “I’ll be honest with you, I come to your class high a lot.”
Magic Gardens Skeptic: I could get high and go to Copa with a kaleidoscope for a lot less money and a similar vibe.
It’s so 'Easy Easy' to win tickets to see King Krule at the Fillmore this spring!
Preprofessional Fuckboi: “Meeting for job opportunities, but also interested in blowjob opportunities.”
Now accepting nominations for the younger, cooler '30 under 30'
Quad Guard: "Remember to stay warm! Me and Captain Morgan are going sailing as soon as I get home."
Functional fashion–forward bro: "I might fuck around and get a blanket scarf."
Woke Spring Breaker: “We went to a bikini contest on international women’s day.”
Wharton Professor: “Don’t do drugs, kids. Or at least don’t fail your drug tests.”
Because athletes in spandex isn't exciting enough.
RELS Professor: "Heroin is awesome! Don't judge it 'til you try it."
Hear both sides of their love story
Their advice? Date your friends.
Inquisitive Gay: “When everyone was yelling about ‘big dick Nick,’ I was like ‘this is the most excited I’ve ever seen straight men get about a penis’.”
We came up with a few lonely songs for the lonely.
Statesman Reader: "This is so funny! I mean, this is sarcastic, right?"
Kid upon seeing the Pee Statue: "Oh my god, it's Isaac Newton."
GEOL 125 Student: "There's only one rock I care about, and it's Kid Rock."
Tell us where it hurts, baby.
Huntsman Realist: “I can leave my coat here. These people are more likely to steal my econ notes than my jacket.”