Ah, beer: that luscious liquid that helps Pi Kapp guys score each weekend. As much as you may want to deny it (we certainly don't), beer has played a formative role in your college career. From the freshman 15 to strides-o-pride (walk-of-shames were so last year), choice hops and fermented yeast have shaped your very being. While Cosmos and Kamikazes may be fine for Sarah Jessica Parker and the sexually questionable, there's something to be said for a flat, luke-warm glass-o-PBR. Yes, we realize the draw backs: lines of freshmen at the keg (target practice), plastic cups (perfect for crushing over heads) and, well, a drink that tastes like piss (superb for dumping on that bitch who stole your man). Regardless, we indulge. Frequently.
After half a case of Milwaukee's Beast, though, we started questioning the origins of this college ambrosia. From whence did it come? For how long has it improved the life of so many? Did God drink a 40 on his day of rest? Naturally, such inquiries led to intense investigations (read: Google) and unwavering research (read: more drinking). Here, fellow enthusiasts, are the results: a mind-boggling expose on the sordid history of our favorite noon-time beverage.
The oldest recorded beer recipe was found in the ruins of the Spanish village of Geno, dating back to more than 3,000 years. The oldest record of brewing, though, dates back 6,000 years to those crazy, party-hardy Sumerians. Seriously, those guys always have all the fun.
Impressed with that 20 second keg stand? Well, look who's mediocre! In ancient Babylon, a bride's father would supply the groom with as much honey beer (mead) as he could drink in a month.
Beer accounted for the Mayflower landing on Plymouth Rock. According to the ship's log, the Pilgrims didn't want to waste beer looking for a better site. Now that's the kind of dedication that brings tears to our eyes.
Prohibition in the United States lasted 13 years, 10 months, 19 days, 17 hours, 32 1/2 minutes too long. During the period, America's breweries were closed, forcing thousands of good, hardworking alcoholics to pick up a new hobby.
Cenosillicaphobia: Fear of an empty glass. No, we're not making this up. Yes, we suffer from it.