Lowbrow

- It's cold. So cold. - Yum, that Popeye's was goooood. - This new boyfriend's Jewish, isn't he? - Thank God for C-sections; I still have my figure. - Do I have to watch reruns of the Madonna kiss again? - Is that Moonshine again? - I'm itchy.
February 8, 2007 at 12:00 am

As I sit here in my overpriced apartment on my laptop, I wrinkle my nose thinking of a story for this week's article.
February 8, 2007 at 12:00 am

Dear Stalker, What is happening to us? Thinking about Valentine's Day makes me reminisce about our past (or rather, your past) methods of following me.
February 8, 2007 at 12:00 am

To my well-endowed sister: Don't tell me I'm missing something and then stuff my bra with your dirty socks.
November 9, 2006 at 12:00 am

To my well-endowed sister: Don't tell me I'm missing something and then stuff my bra with your dirty socks.
November 2, 2006 at 12:00 am

Click here to view the full-size PDF.
September 14, 2006 at 12:00 am

This summer I, like many of my peers, interned in New York. I learned many things, but most importantly I learned what others neglected to mention: ALERT!
September 14, 2006 at 12:00 am

To every JAP at this school: I'm Jewish, I'm a girl and I hate you and everything you stand for. To the girl who hooked up with everyone and lost her camera at Derby Days: If your camera is anything like your dignity, then finding it is probably a lost cause. To my left rotator cuff: How the fuck did you tear yourself.
April 20, 2006 at 12:00 am

Every year when the weather gets warmer, I geta little homesick. Typically this happens at roughly the same time when Spring Fling is over, and I have ginormous papers to look forward to.
April 13, 2006 at 12:00 am

definition: Well done; awesome; nice etymology: refers to the feeling of excellence resulting from a basketball successfully entering the hoop, thereby hitting the back of the net. Ex.
April 13, 2006 at 12:00 am

In today's world of robot dogs and PSPs, it feels good to think back on the simplicity of your own childhood and remember how this plastic ball on a string somehow occupied you for hours.
April 13, 2006 at 12:00 am

Oh theeeeeere you are! After what seems like months of hibernation, it is lovely to see your shining face again, o' glorious Sun.
April 13, 2006 at 12:00 am

1. "My friend just fell off the quad balcony and I need to cauterize/clean the wound." 2. "This isn't alcohol.
April 6, 2006 at 12:00 am

When beer flows like wine, And grass is littered with trash, I puke in my hair. Fried Oreos and Funnel Cake stick to my shirt Oh God, so wasted. People getting nude, Everybody is horny, Sucks for Team Fling Safe. I ate a brownie And now I am high as shit Feel force flow to hand!
April 6, 2006 at 12:00 am

pronunciation: KAY-per-noy-ted definition: slightly intoxicated; tipsy Ex. Charlemagne: "Yo whodi, you planning on getting capernoited during Fling?" Martin Van Buren, "Aw hell no, dawg.
April 6, 2006 at 12:00 am

1. You're not cool unless your BAC reaches at least .15 2. You're also not cool unless you belong to a group that sports an offensive T-shirt or headband. 3. Guys should hook up with at least two ugly girls by Sunday.
April 6, 2006 at 12:00 am

If you don't know what this is, chances are you just drank a whole lot of it. Have a very merry Fling.
April 6, 2006 at 12:00 am

I. Thou shall not say no to any offered beverage, regardless of said beverage's origin. II. Thou must avert your eyes from nude Mask & Wig members. III. Honor your friend from high school who is staying with you (i.e.
April 6, 2006 at 12:00 am

We love these Borrower-sized umbrellas for their function as well as flair. While they do in fact spice up the average drink, their true purpose is to be destroyed becuase you know you're just going to end up pulling off that top part from that bottom part.
March 30, 2006 at 12:00 am

pronunciation: bluhnk definition: Being in a state of intoxication from both alcohol and recreational marijuana; a combination of "blazed" and "drunk" ex. Harry S.
March 30, 2006 at 12:00 am