All I’ve seriously ever wanted from a bus ride is to lean back in my seat, close my eyes and concentrate on hoping no one can hear that I’m listening to the same Simon & Garfunkel song on repeat.
I’m not sure if it’s because no one is ever this lucky, or just that the Gods of Transportation hate my guts, but peaceful bus trips are few and far between.
Before Penn, I can’t remember the last time I had a boring friend. I’m not talking about the kind of boring defined as “not interesting,” but rather the kind of boring friend who’s content with just watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days on your couch on a Friday night, while the rest of the world is at an Avicii concert.
[Please see ed. note at bottom of post]
I have given myself a mission. Nope, it’s not to finish my freshman year with a 4.0, nor is it to use all my meal swipes by the end of the semester, nor is it even to successfully get into Smoke’s.
*This article is a part of the the Fall 2011 Joke Issue: Real Housewives of 34th Street.
As any true housewife knows, husbands are an essential part of maintaining the super fab, luxurious lifestyle that goes along with the title of being a real housewife.
I have not one, but two, My Heart Will Go On dance remixes on my iPod. I consider Amanda Bynes to be my spirit animal and I think the fact that The Devil Wears Prada isn’t on Netflix streaming is a crime against humanity.
As children raised by Wiccan parents who celebrated Samhain in lieu of Halloween for the first 18 October 31sts of our lives, we at Lowbrow want to make up for lost time and salvage any remnants of a proper childhood while we still can.