Have you ever wanted to be more of a hipster but then remember that you like Taylor Swift unironically? Ever wanted to be more artsy so that your peers would find you more interesting but then remember that galleries bore you to tears? Well, this week Arts has you covered: Here's a guide to the best and most surefire ways to give your persona a complete makeover, just in time for the start of the semester. New year new you, amiright?
Start shopping exclusively at thrift stores.
When’s the last time you saw someone wearing Docs, a beanie, and oversized plaid and thought: that person clearly spends no time in museums at all!?
Tip: Urban Outfitters works too.
Start smoking cigs and J’s.
This is essential. What tortured artist doesn’t ease their soul with a couple of drags?
Bonus: allude to the fact that you’ve done harder drugs, too.
Go to Pi Lam parties.
If their graffitied walls intimidate you too much, start with Elmo’s.
Drink beer—craft, not natty (duh).
No more vodka cranberries for you. Vodka cranberries are for yuppies. And don’t mention how bloated you feel, that’s not artsy.
Buy a bike.
Uber is overpriced and cars are bad for the environment. Your bike is now your 3rd limb and your sole mode of transportation to all gallery openings. If you’re too scared to ride (how the fuck do those things stay up?!) just walk it down Locust and complain about how cycling isn’t allowed there.
Go to a fancy gallery opening in jeans and converse.
This is the way you express yourself—fuck a dress code.
Bring up the work of Van Gogh in conversation just to show that you know the proper pronunciation.
If those listening aren’t covered in phlegm by the time you’re finished, you’ve done it wrong.
Pretend you never read this article, because no one wants to be caught citing something that’s not real.
You don’t know what the word “artsy” means, but you are still deeply offended when people apply it to you (score!).
