This week, Street took the time to sit down with the under–appreciated characters of Disney: the sidekicks. Here's what they believed happened in the stories we think we know so well.
Seven Dwarves (Snow White)
"Heigh ho heigh ho... we got no thank–you’s from our dear Snow.
Heigh ho heigh ho...it’s home from work we go..our home which is actually just a tiny shack in the woods even though we dig dig dig dig dig dig dig up diamonds every day.
Heigh ho heigh ho... it’s home from work we go... and one day this extremely tall pale woman took over our house and we had to take care of her and we grew to love her until she died and then came back to life and then immediately married a tall rich prince and left us.
Heigh Ho Heigh Ho...It’s like she thought we were a free airbnb though."
Sebastian (Little Mermaid)
"I think it’s safe to say that I took on the role of babysitter in Ariel’s life. I have been by her side through thick and thin, which was tough because as the youngest daughter of the king of the sea, she was a spoiled brat.
I have cleaned her disgusting room, managed her mood swings and wrestled with her teenage stupidity (you know when she was 14 I caught her smoking seaweed, which was not only morally reprehensible, but also incredibly confusing because she was underwater the whole time?!). When she was on the boat marrying Prince Eric—the human she met only three days before—she turned to me suddenly and said, “Oh Sebastian, did you know humans eat crab for dinner? If only I knew that—I would’ve done it ages ago!”
Mike Wasowski (Monsters Inc.)
I keep injuring myself because I’m trying to prove that I, Mike Wasowski, have what it takes to acquire Sully’s tough guy aesthetic. At least that’s what I learned by psychoanalyzing myself after my Intro to Psych class at Monsters University.
Sven (Frozen)
One quick question:
If reindeers are better than people,
Why am I pulling you around in a fucking sleigh?
