The Definitive Penn Bucket List


Photo: Matthew Marcucci / CC 2.0

With graduation right around the corner, every senior you know is probably grappling with the existential terror of having to leave Penn and head into the Real WorldTM. But whether you’re a senior or not, there’s so much at Penn to experience, perhaps so much that it’s hard to know exactly where to start. Never fear, Street did the work for you. You submitted nominations; we marveled at your creativity (and were kinda grossed out, tbh. But we say that with love.) Read on—and get to work on—the definitive Penn bucket list.

  • GSR Sleepover.
  • Trip on Locust Walk and make bank.
  • Sex. All. Over. Campus. (In the stacks, under the button, on Franklin Field, in Hunstman.)
  • Pee on Ben Franklin (Ed note: You can be fined for this, but apparently everyone thinks you should pee on the founder of this institution before you graduate).
  • Kick someone out of a GSR and revel in your power.
  • Be ballsy enough to tell someone that NO they can't sit with you at the large table you occupy alone but want it to remain that way.
  • Have Allegro for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
  • Hook up with a grad student (bonus points if it’s your TA).
  • All of the DFMOs.
  • Fucking be nice to the dining hall workers (e.g. ask them how their day is going, like you would in normal conversation.)
  • Get your photo into some sort of Penn promotional material.
  • Compile a collage of every pic of you power pointing from college. 
  • Take each line of SEPTA at least once: explore Philly, dammit.
  • Go to a class you aren't registered for. In the middle of it, standup, yell "YOU DON'T OWN ME", and storm out.
  • Go to FroGro between the hours of 3 a.m. and 6 a.m. 
  • Send a glitter bomb to that person who ghosted you.
  • Do one of the carnival games in the Quad during Fling and instantly regret it because there will be photographic evidence of your riding a bull quasi-sexually.
  • Go sledding on the steps of the PMA.
  • Extinguish a fire pit at Tap.
  • Sell your soul to the corporate machine.
  • Anal.
  • Actually check out a book from VP
  • Get asked “Who you know here,” and have an actual response.
  • Get turned away from Smokes'.
  • See Kweder.
  • Open the Chamber of Secrets located in DRL.
  • Talk to a reference librarian in Van Pelt.
  • Realize that jokes about Commons stop being funny after the first fifteen times.
  • Declare pre-med. 
  • Drop pre-med.
  • Submit at least one OCR application.
  • Take someone’s flyer and smile politely even though you’re definitely not going to their show.
  • Become a Quizzo regular at the bar of your choosing.
  • Try desperately to get a picture with Amy G that you will inevitably hate because your face looks weird in it.
  • Finally step on the compass when you realize that everything’s going to be fine and you’re not going to fail your exams.
  • Go to a downtown, form a strong opinion about downtowns (either positive or negative).
  • SABS successfully (bonus points if outside of Frontera).
  • Eat at Hillel while you still have a dining plan.
  • Ask an annoying question on Piazza and/or reply passive aggressively to an annoying question on Piazza.
  • Walk to the engineering quad just so you know what it’s like.
  • Hang out on the steps of Wynn Commons on a nice day and revel at how much of a college student you’re being.
  • Post a picture with the caption “Fling, Flang, Flung” (Ed. Note: You should feel bad about doing this, but it’s also a rite of passage.)
  • Graduate with even the smallest amount of dignity, if possible.

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