In the opening scene of George Armitage's The Big Bounce, Jack Ryan (Owen Wilson) quips, "For a long time, I've been walking down the road of life with my two best friends, bad luck and bad choices." Both of them have led Wilson and the star-studded cast down to Hawaii on a terrible remake of an already awful 1969 film based on a novel by Elmore Leonard (Get Shorty).

Ryan, the wild-haired surfer rebel and petty criminal, is fired from his construction job for smacking his British foreman with a baseball bat (take THAT, you cricket-lovin' fool!). Ryan is set loose in Hawaii, thanks to a pardon from the District Judge Walter Crewes (Morgan Freeman). He returns to breaking and entering and befriends the sinister -- yet scantily clad -- Nancy Hayes (Sara Foster). Nancy and Ryan collaborate to steal $200,000 from Nancy's lover and Ryan's former boss, Ray Ritchie (Gary Sinise). Ray's slimy personal assistant, Bob Rogers, Jr. (Charlie Sheen), is suspicious of the two, yet also completely oblivious. Walter gets Ryan a job at his local resort, with Freeman playing his best mentor role since The Shawshank Redemption, offering the advice that "sometimes things are exactly as they appear...sometimes." He got it right. This movie appears to be bad, and it is.

A decent storyline is plagued by poor character development and a slow beginning; the ending may leave one confused and with a sudden urge to go steal a pineapple. Unfortunately, this is a bad debut for Sara Foster, but hopefully it won't spoil any scantily clad action in the future. Gary Sinise's role falls far short of his portrayals of Lieutenant Dan, Ken Mattingly and just about every other character he has played -- and Charlie Sheen's mustache doesn't help the situation. Not even a domino-playing cameo by Willie Nelson saves this flick from crashing into the Hawaiian surf. Owen Wilson fans (you're out there, I know you are) will not be disappointed in their hunt for more of the lovable, shaggy cutie pie -- especially since Starsky & Hutch comes out March 5th. Bottom line: Go to Hawaii yourself and steal $200,000. It'll be a lot more fun than this movie.