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Incoherent, Red–Faced Trump MERTed at Campaign Rally

My alcohol is the best alcohol.

At a campaign rally for Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump in the Philadelphia suburb of Aston, PA, last Tuesday, freshman and avid Trump supporter, Lucas Weiner (C '20), called the University of Pennsylvania’s Medical Emergency Response Team (MERT) to attend to the unwell candidate.

“Even at the beginning of the rally, I noticed that Trump was already acting boisterously loud and obnoxious, but I kind of blew it off until it became clear that he was having difficulty controlling his motor skills and completing his sentences,” said Weiner, alluding to Trump’s wild hand motions, rambling train of thought and noisy, unusually–paced speech. “As much as I hate to disrupt the rally, I was concerned for his health.”

Weiner explained that the visibly confused candidate was also exhibiting signs of extreme aggression and bravado, impaired memory and decision–making skills and a lack of focus, leading him to contact MERT.

“While we don’t usually respond to calls outside of the University City area, there are special cases where we must offer help. We want all students to know that we have their back, and we applaud Weiner’s decision,” said MERT Chief Timothy Hampton. “Trump was clearly a threat to public safety."


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