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(11/20/03 5:00am)
So here's what happened. We were supposed to interview the old man who hands out La Rouche pamphlets but he stood us up. We decided to walk down Locust Walk and do short interviews with the students running the booths. Look, this is my last serious interview as an editor, and I, Scott Haller, wanted to ask everyone about sex, mousey style or otherwise, because it makes me laugh on the inside, and that's where it counts. Enjoy!
(11/13/03 5:00am)
Larry Maltz, the proprietor of The Last Word on 3925 Walnut Street, is more than just your average store owner. He is also a Dobro artist, carpenter, beard grower and father. Did somebody say Renaissance man? No, nobody said that. But he does have a cool beard and a great store, one of which took nine years to plan; I'm guessing it's the beard.
(11/06/03 5:00am)
As we all know, going grocery shopping can be a chore. Luckily for us, going to Freshgrocer is more like a party in your cart -- everyone is invited! In reality, it's just you and Fraser Frazier who are at that party, and it's the worst party ever. This 17-year-old Southwest Philly native tries to make our mundane lives a little more bearable, a little more exciting and, dare I say, a whole lot redder.
(10/23/03 4:00am)
1326 freshman made their voices heard. In the end, what were they shouting? "Andy Kaplan, let's see some ass." Andrew Kaplan is the recently voted President of the Class of '07, and he's not afraid to tackle the big questions, like "Who do you like more than a friend?" or "What will you do to save the babies?"
(10/02/03 4:00am)
Matt Selman graduated from the College of Arts and Sciences in 1993. He was Editor-in-Chief of 34th Street and has worked on The Simpsons from 1997 to the present. He worked on such classics as "Behind the Laughter" and the one where Apu has octuplets. He wanted us to mention that he has won three Emmys.
(09/25/03 4:00am)
Follow your nose to 107 Rodney in Spruce College House where the odors of Febreze, AXE Body Spray and day-old heroin addict will fill your nostrils and soothe your soul. Once there, freshmen residents Greg Goodman of Bloomfield Hills, Mich., and J. Sebastian Apud of Potomac, Md., will treat you to a night of feasting and sport, the likes of which you will never forget.
(09/18/03 4:00am)
At first glance, one might think that OHara's Fish House at 39th and Chestnut is like any other campus bar. In reality it is a University City paradox. It is located at a prime location: in close proximity to other popular student bars, yet it does not have the same kind of draw for students as its competitors. In fact, it has no students at all. We asked Bernard Stansbury, an OHara's manager, to find out what makes this place different, and why Penn kids just don't go there.
(09/11/03 4:00am)
Center city psychics Gina (27 S. 19th Street) and Elizabeth (2028 Chestnut Street) are our golden ticket to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory of celestial understanding. But you don't need a golden ticket to learn more about their mysterious world - just $10 will do.
And apparently, our photographer has business opportunities in the next six months.
(04/10/03 4:00am)
One of the best and most original acts to come from Philadelphia in a long time, Atom and His Package puts on an amazing live show with only a synthesizer, guitar, and his hilarious but inspired lyrics. He thinks Har Mar Superstar has a better chance of revolutionoizing rap than Patrick Swayze (he told us),and he hates the English system of measurement. Go get his newest cd, Attention: Blah, Blah, Blah (Hopeless Records).
Street: So you graduated from Penn?
Atom: I went here for a semester as an undergrad, and then I came here for graduate school -- I went to the Graduate School of Education and got a Masters in Education and certified to teach high school chemistry and biology.
Do you plan on doing that in the future? Or just do this as long as possible?
I don't really know. Probably not as long as possible, I hope I'll stop before the point where it's not possible any more. It's really fun and I really enjoy doing it, and it's working for now, so... I don't know, I tend to plan my life in eight month intervals, so I can tell you what I'm doing for the next eight months but then after that I don't really know.
So what are you doing for the next eight months?
Well I leave to go on tour all across Europe for May and June and then I'll get back and hopefully work on a new record and then I can tell you then. At some point I think I would enjoy teaching if I found a good match and a school that was a good match to teach in, I think it would be good.
What's your favorite Philly venue to play, assuming they're all good in their own right?
I definitely have a lot of respect for the people who do R5 Productions [Sean Agnew] and do shows at the Church. They certainly encountered a good deal of adversity and what they do is a really really good thing for the city. I think it's a good thing to have an all-ages venue where it's not like a bar and I think it's great to have cool safe spaces for kids to do stuff. So I definitely admire what they do a lot and I guess working with people like that makes it really cool.
How do you like playing with Har Mar [Superstar]?
I love it, he's a friend of mine so we went on a whole US tour for like two months together in my mom's car, and we had a really good time.
What song do you play that you think gets the best reaction from the crowd?
Of mine?
Yeah, of yours.
I don't know, I guess there's some songs that people like more than others. I don't know, I tend to mix it around; I have a lot of songs, so I kind of just mess around. I guess some people like to hear "Punk Rock Academy"... people also like a song on the new record called "I'm Downright Amazed with What I Can Destroy with Just a Hammer"... I don't know, people like some, some people don't.
You know a lot about punk music and really like it, but you don't really play punk music...why?
I mean, I like a lot of different kinds of music and its not really thought out well enough that I'm trying to play a particular kind of music - that's not to be interpreted as like -- oh the music I play, no one can explain it, it's undescribable, it's nothing like that. Its just that I write songs that I think sound good to me and I guess because the instruments I use to do it -- a lot are synthesized and drum machines -- those are not particularly what you would think of when you think of punk music.
Would you ever consider being cryogenically frozen [reference last week's Patrick Swayze interview]?
Yeah, sure. I would consider it - not like now, but you know... if I felt very healthy and was like 45 and was diagnosed with a terminal illness... I would really appreciate it if you had some insight as to when and how I'm going to die you would let me know because I'd certainly change my life accordingly. I keep asking my dad because my dad is a really really smart and insightful guy and seems to know what's up. If he can tell me like, you know what, the way things are going, there's probably going to be fucking shit in 10 years, I would totally live my life according to my dad.
[During this discussion, a member of Aim of Conrad decided to explore his journalistic aspirations, engaging Atom in a philosophical discussion about... skydiving. Thanks for taking over our interview, jerk off.]
Who are the Packettes and what happened to them?
They all got jobs. They would drive around with me and play shows -- they were really good. Three friends who are girls who came up with really awesome choreographed dances to a few of my songs. They made up really fun, awesome dances, and dressed up really nicely -- and people thought they were men. It wasn't the most flattering thing for them.
Why did you cut your mullet?
I don't enjoy having hair at all. I really wish I could just be bald and never have to shave and never have to get a haircut, I just don't like the feeling of having hair.
Who will be the first Philadelphia sports team to break the championship drought?
I don't know, I thought it would be the Eagles. I think at least this year they will all be exciting to watch, because you know for so many years everybody sucked. I'm definitely a big Flyers fan -- I'd love to see them do well. Since I've been away I haven't been able to see Tony Amonte play with them. This will probably be the year since I'll be probably be away during the Stanley Cup Finals, and that will be really depressing.
What's the weirdest dream you've had that you can remember?
I had a really really bizarre dream the other evening. The dream was that I was consumed with depression. I lived in a big house with a lot of friends, and I was like "I think I've had enough of this." It was a really weird dream because I don't think I feel that way, and I was telling people -- "I'm done with living, its fine, I think I'm done." And people were like "Why?" I was like "Look at all these clothes that are on the floor, I have to clean them up, I don't want to do that, I'm done." Then I woke up and I was like, what the fuck was that all about?
Your instrumental songs have really bizarre names. When you're playing the song are you actually inspired by the title or do you just pick titles randomly?
No, I write the song and then when I write the text that will be on the record, I'm like, whoa, what am I going to name that?
The only one I know of off-hand is "Tim Allen Is Not Very Funny."
That's true. I don't even know what song that is. I know I have a song named that, but I have no idea what that song sounds like.
(04/03/03 5:00am)
Editor's Note: This is the uncut version of the interview that ran in the April 3, 2003, issue of 34th Street.
Patrick Swayze: aging 80's heartthrob or sexual dynamo? From The Outsiders to SNL, Dirty Dancing to Hollywood Squares, this hard-bodied cowboy can do it all, and so much more. He is appearing on stage with his wife at The Annenberg Center on April 7th and 8th. One Last Dance also has a screening at the Prince Theater on the 7th and 8th.
(03/27/03 5:00am)
As Sparta prepared to end their stint early as co-headliners of the SnoCore Tour due to unforeseen circumstances, drummer Tony Hajjar was nice enough to sit down and spend some time with Street. The band -- who came into being after At the Drive-In announced their "hiatus" in 2001 - put out their first full length album Wiretap Scars in 2002, while opening for some of the best bands around.
Do you find it weird touring during wartime?
The war is so fucking annoying. It drives me nuts, like how every time it's on TV you stay glued because you want to see the next fucking smoke bubble come up. It's disgusting... like if you've ever been around war, you'll never want to look at it on TV that much. I grew up around war, I grew up in the Civil War in... my last memory of Lebanon before I left to the US - I was five years old, and a neighbor told us to go up to the top of the apartment building we were living in and there was a missile stuck in the top of our apartment building that was a dud. I mean that was the night before I came to the US, I could have never come. My sister tells story of how -- we're Christian -- and how the Muslim troops were going through in the Civil War and they had heads on sticks of the people they had just killed. When you really see that, you won't be fucking cheering every time someone says the name George Bush in Atlanta, Georgia.
So what happens after this tour?
After this tour, now we have eleven days off. We're doing a tour with Bad Religion - we're doing two weeks with them. Then we have a day off, and we go straight to the first Pearl Jam tour.
Those are some pretty good bands.
Yeah, I mean I was talking to Darryl last night from Glassjaw, and he was just like, "You motherfuckers, you guys are so lucky." The tours we've been asked to do, and the tours that we said no to because of time and stuff like that, are just amazing.
Is it the band's management that says Pearl Jam or the Queens of the Stone Age really want to have you?
Well the thing is, with Queens and Pearl Jam and Bad Religion, its all been through band members talking. Like Brooks [Wackerman, Bad Religion's drummer] came to see us in L.A., and called me the next day -- you know, band-to-band, drummer-to-drummer type thing. The Pearl Jam thing was literally because the monitor guy we had on the Weezer tour worked for the sound company. He said the first thing I do when I go on the Pearl Jam tour is give Eddie a CD, and he gave Eddie the CD and we got a call from Eddie Vedder. And then the Queens thing, we became really good friends in Australia -- we had met them years ago in our old band and stuff like that, but we became really good friends when we were in Australia for three weeks in January. One day, Josh [Homme] comes up to me and just goes, "the tour's yours if you say yes." It's literally band member to band member, which is the way you're supposed to do it.
What do you guys do in your time off - besides when you only have one day.
I just bought a house and when I go home - I've only spent 13 hours in my house. I got my house on a Monday six weeks ago, and I got it at 4 o'clock, I got handed the keys, and its just like what the hell, I fucking own a house. I moved - all of my friends helped me - from like 4 to 12 - and then at midnight - I went to sleep at one, woke up at 6 and started this tour. I literally got up and flew to Albuquerque. Then when we played LA, we played the Mayan - it's this place in downtown LA and that night I went home and I slept and I woke up and left..
So have you guys started writing more material for a second album?
I think that there's ideas there. think we're in a very lucky situation because all of us write music, it's not like we're depending on Jim or Paul or whatever, like, "come on, can you guys write some songs?" I'm excited, I think we're very, very lucky and did a really good introduction to the world and now its kind of like less questions about our old band and people are asking about us now, which is goddamn right, it's fucking time you know. So in September we're going to start writing again, we're going to buy a building in El Paso, Texas and build a studio and use our money correctly and then use the other part of our recording budget and record the record. So we can make a home for Sparta and Sparta's friends. So if there's a band that needs to record to go out on the road, they can record.
Is that going to be a part of the record label you guys have?
Yeah, the name is almost official. The first thing we'll release is our vinyl for Wiretap, and then if it all works out, I've been talking to Dredg, we're going to let our their vinyl for their full-length also.
If you record collection was on fire, what would you save?
Master of Puppets on vinyl.
Do you have a lot of belt buckles [noticing his odd belt buckle]?
Oh yeah, I collect belt buckles.
What's your favorite one?
I have this really cool oval-shaped Jack Daniels, and it says where the distillery was made and all this stuff, its really cool. And my buddy used to be a firefighter and he gave me a really cool one with an engine -- you know, one's too big to wear, it brings my pants down but they're really cool and stuff like that.And this is my latest one [points to the one he has on], my two best friends are doctors so I kind of wear it for them.
(03/20/03 5:00am)
A trip to The Fresh Grocer isn't complete without a greeting from Ray and Ernie, two local men who are willing to hold the door, carry your groceries, hail a cab, and do just about anything to make your trip to the grocery store a little bit easier. All they ask in return is whatever you're willing to give; even if it's just a smile.
So Raymond, when did you start holding the door at The Fresh Grocer?
Raymond: A few months ago I was running low on money and I ran into Old Head here at Fresh Grocer helping people out.
Ernie: He's talking about Ernie.
Raymond: That's right Old Head, I mean you. I watched how Old Head here was helping people, even people who weren't nice to him. He always had a smile on his face and I decided that that's what I wanted to do; to help people. So now I wait until he's finished here and then I come. I'm trying to pay my rent, get something to eat, and try to make some money without hurting anyone. Cause I would never want to hurt anyone. I would rather beg someone for something than try to rob them. I'm going to be right up front with people and if somebody says they don't have [money], then I say, "Have a nice day."
Ernie: He just used the word 'beg.' I hate that word. I 'ask' honestly. I do a service for the people.
Ray: Right, there you go Old Head.
Ernie: I open the door, I carry the groceries, I flag a cab. I take the carts back. I do a service and I don't beg. I tell them my situation and they give. And if they don't, it's all right.
What's the secret to your success?
Ernie: Telling the truth. I heard him use the word 'rob.' I never even thought about nothing like that. I try to work, you know, and be honest. So if you do it the right way, everybody isn't going to give it to you, but a whole lot will.
Do you know certain people who will come by and regularly help you out?
Ernie: Yes I do. A lot of the college kids, they love me.
Raymond: The basketball team! They'll call Old Head over and bring him to the store.
Ernie: They'll say, "Come on, Ernie. Get away from that door. Come on with us." So we go on in and sit down together and eat. They'll tell me I can get whatever I want.
Do you two work together?
Raymond: Well, really you can only have one guy helping out at a time. Ernie was the guy who helped me out by allowing me to work the door when I need some cash. That's what kind of a nice guy he is. But I know that he's the head man. And I have to respect his territory. So when he needs to work, I let him work. And if he knows I need to work, he lets me.
Ernie: That's right. And it works out well because we respect each other.
What is your average day?
Raymond: I try to make enough money to eat and stuff like that...but it's the college kids, man, who take of us. Make sure to put that in, the college kids took care of us, man. They help me survive until I can get back on my feet.
At this point, several drunk Penn students interrupt the interview to offer Ernie a beer, which he initially refuses but later reluctantly accepts.
So you don't drink?
Ernie: In two weeks I might have one can of beer, and that's it.
Raymond: And I don't even drink most of the time.
Ernie: But if you say no to beer, students might get angry.
Ernie, people know you as a happy guy. What's your secret?
Ernie: The Lord is my secret. His word says to be truthful, honest, and do the right thing. Always reward people with a smile. That's the way I try to walk through life, doing that. It took me a long time to learn these things and to put them together.
What would you like to say to Penn students?
Raymond: I'd like to say thank you to the student for helping me. And God bless you all.
Ernie: I love all of you all. I appreciate everything that you've done for me. The words you say to me, the help you've given me, the handshakes, the hugs, the smiles, the greetings and everything you've ever done for me.
Raymond: I'll come down here just to get a smile from you.
Ernie: You students brighten my day, and I love all you all.
(02/14/03 5:00am)
Kristin Bateman, Whitney Parker and Lauren Tuchman live in E.F. Smith in Ware College House. Elliot Dawson also lives in Ware, down the hall in Coxe. Elliot attended a dance party with the three girls the night before this interview. We decided to probe this kinky foursome (first the ladies, then Elliot) to discover the surest way to a woman's heart and parts beyond.
What do you look for in a guy?
Lauren: He has to be tall. We are all looking for tall men on this campus but there aren't any.
Kristin: I guess I'm not picky.
Whitney: I guess just conservative -- and sweet and polite.
Is Elliot not tall? Is that his problem?
Lauren: No, he's a man-whore.
Whitney: And he likes to hit on pre-freshman.
Define man-whore.
Lauren: Someone who hooks up with a lot of people.
Define hooking up.
Whitney: Anything greater than or equal to making out.
Lauren: I guess anything beyond making out.
Who would be your dream Valentine, and what would you do together?
Lauren: I would have to say Ryan from The Bachlorette, when he took her up on the mountain and watched the sunrise. That would be perfect. I really like high places and hiking.
Kristin: Josh Hartnett. We would just go to a nice restaurant.
Whitney: I would like to get proposed to.
What's your ideal proposal?
Whitney: In New York you know how they have those signs that go across buildings? And they say stuff?
Advertisements?
Whitney: Yeah. We could be eating at a restaurant with a really good view and he could say, "Look out the window," and it would say, "Whitney, would you marry me?" Wouldn't that be sweet?
Here we came across, on Lauren's desk, a list of the Top 15 Places for Fast Love. It included Kiddy Pool, Exercise Ball, and Beanbag Chair.
(02/06/03 5:00am)
What do John Wilkes Booth's thorax, a wall of 139 skulls and a soap lady have in common? For $5 with your student ID, you can see and study them all at the Mtter Museum of The College of Physicians of Philadelphia at 19 S. 22nd Street. While you may be up for a one-time visit, it takes a special kind of woman to surround herself with such interesting items every day. We would like to introduce you to Gretchen Worden, the director of the Mutter Museum since 1988.
What displays are visitors usually most interested in?
It's funny. You would think that people would most remember the Teratology collection, which is Congenital Abnormalities. But when people are talking about what they remember about the museum, almost invariably it's the Jackson Collection of Foreign Bodies, which we have under the stairs. It is about 2000 things people have swallowed or inhaled. It's a question of what you connect with. There is something here for everyone.
Do people bring their children through here? It seems to me if I was a child and saw a dried out human body I would be a little frightened.
No you would be absolutely amazed. We get family groups with kids in strollers. You get the high school kids and they are bored. But you get some sixth and seventh graders, and that's a great age. They are still excited about stuff. They would rather be here than school.
So would I. What is the general reaction to the Museum?
Well [visitors] have read about us, they have an idea but they don't really know. Some people find, you know, initially with a great visual image like a wall of skulls, they are maybe taken aback. Some people come expected to be grossed out but they utterly fascinated. Other people come in very curious and find that they are uncomfortable. You don't know how you will react to real human material until you are confronted with it.
What piece are you most fascinated by?
[Conjoined Twins] Chang and Eng. No question. One, because we have the only plaster cast of them in the world. Two, because they are very interesting individuals. They married sisters -- they had twenty-one children. We have specimens of conjoined twins before Chang and Eng, but they are part of a continuing story of conjoined twins. The museum isn't just concerned with medical history; it's about what's going on now.
I didn't know they had 21 children. That's amazing.
They were not going to compromise.
They sure weren't! How would the logistics of that work?
They actually could stand pretty much side-by-side, so when they were in bed there was a little overlay of one twin on the other woman. But the fact that they married sisters I think helped.
So it is not a case of simultaneous impregnation?
No not simultaneous. I think they took turns. Actually it's funny because [both wives] would become pregnant about the same time.
Do you have people on waiting lists to donate organs or materials, or do you target certain people so that you can use their organs after they pass?
I've never had the nerve to actually solicit. We do have a number of people that have offered their bodies, heads, organs to the museum and they are waiting to die. Some are in their thirties and forties, so it will be some other curator's problem when the time comes. And that to me says that we are the kind of place that somebody feels comfortable with having their body or part of their body be seen because we treat materials with respect, it is here for educational purposes, and I think that's absolutely terrific.
(01/31/03 5:00am)
How many Wing Bowls has the Norseman contested in?
Cyndy: This is Bruce's first in terms of being a contestant. I think he came last year, maybe the year before.
Maryellen: [My Husband] has been coming for about 4 years as a spectator. And then one by one the friends started adding in anyone who was willing to get up at 4 in the morning to get a seat.
How did the Norseman get into the Wing Bowl?
Cyndy: You have to do an eating stunt on the air.
What was the Norseman's stunt?
Cyndy: He ate something poor immigrant Norwegians lived on called lutefisk. It is Cod fish that has been soaked in lye so that it just turns to mush. It starts out really hard so you can keep it forever, it's salted and dry. Then to reconstitute it you soak it in lye. It smells. He ate 2 and a half pounds of lutefisk and 6 cod tongues in 6 minutes.
Maryellen: Not only do cod have tongues but they have cheeks which are served in Newfoundland. Actually they are good. They are like scallops and they deep fry them. They're pretty tasty.
Has he been training?
Cyndy: Every weekend he would eat 50 big chicken wings and drink a gallon of water in a limited period of time. Normally I leave the house when he is doing this.
What are his odds?
Cyndy: His odds are very low. I think he's next to last.
Maryellen: 35-1. He's a long shot.
But the Norseman accepts the challenge?
Cyndy: He said he would win or go to Valhalla. I hope he doesn't mean that.
Maryellen: Yeah otherwise we have to burn him in the boat.
Who is the Norseman's biggest competitor?
Cyndy: I don't think he knows the other competitors. Well he likes Coon Dog. Coon Dog I guess threw up last year... But there are a lot of really big eaters. [The Norseman] actually joined the International Competitive Eaters Society.
What does that entail?
Cyndy: You just send your money and you get a T-Shirt.
So I could potentially join the ICES?
Cyndy: Absolutely, you can.
How do you get selected as one of the entourage?
Cyndy: It was actually pretty competitive to make the cut because they are only allowed ten people and most of the people involved are members of our gourmet dinner group.
Is there a big party after this?
Maryellen: Yeah, win or lose.
Cyndy: We got an RV. It's pretty well stocked.
Maryellen: We should have a good time eating in the RV.
Cyndy: Bruce won't eat anything. He says it's like eating two Thanksgiving dinners. And I've never seen him vomit in my life.
Hopefully this won't be the day. Does he need a nap afterwards?
Cyndy: Well it does knock him out.
Maryellen: Well he's done competitive eating before. He's won contests.
(11/21/02 5:00am)
An interview with senior class president Billy Moore on Nov. 15, 2002,on the eve of the Penn-Harvard football game.
(11/14/02 5:00am)
The Jane to his Dick, you know her best as the wife of evangelizing Penn preacher Brother Stephen White. Originally from central New Jersey, Laurie White now spends her time raising her children and tending to the needs of her husband in Philadelphia. As she is usually silent during her husband's condemnations of Penn students of all faiths, we could not help but want to hear her story.
(10/24/02 4:00am)
Perusing the fresh produce and fresher Mennonites at Reading Terminal Market on a Saturday afternoon, one cannot help but be enchanted by the sweet sounds of a jazz pianist tickling the ivories. An urban legend of sorts, the musician is 12-year-old prodigy Mateo Jimenez. A student in the Girard Academic Music Program, Mateo is well on his way to becoming one of the next generation's premier jazz artists. We couldn't help but want to get to know him.
(09/27/02 4:00am)
Right from the outset I had my doubts. First, we had to pay to get in, even though it was Sunday. A total of 85 cents — that's what they get for asking. Then the first three Specta Guards we approached refused to talk, except the one in front who yelled at us. Call it fate. Call it our unquenchable lust for old men with potty mouths. Whatever guided us to Vernon, we are in his debt forever. Meet Vernon Harmon, Philadelphia Museum of Art Specta Guard.
(04/11/02 4:00am)
In this special segment of Room, we returned to the room of our very first subjects, College freshmen Lori White of St. Louis, Mo. and Hsiao-Ying Chin of Brooklyn, N.Y. (whose original interview appeared in the Sept. 20, 2001 issue of Street). We also invited past roomie, College sophomore Esther Hsu of Westchester, Pa. (interviewed Oct. 18, 2001), as well guests Engineering sophomore Ted Stein of Long Island, N.Y. and Engineering freshman Aaron Goldman of Great Neck, N. Y.