Because we know more about film than all of Hollywood (and by the transitive property, that means all of you too), we thought we'd present to you, our glorious readers, the grandest film gaffes of the year 2004.
Closer features one of the most beautiful casts ever assembled. Alice (Natalie Portman) and Dan (Jude Law) face an obstacle in their relationship when Anna (Julia Roberts) is hired to take Dan's picture for a book cover jacket and a passionate kiss between the two ensues.
In the age of campusfood, eBay and amazon.com, leaving the house has become a thing of the past. Now we can sit at home on the couch, wallowing in our own lethargy as the world's bounty is delivered right to our door.
Before Dr. Alfred Kinsey's 1948 book Sexual Behavior in the Human Male exploded onto the bestseller list, Americans believed all sorts of crazy things about sex: that masturbation causes blindness, dancing spreads venereal disease and wearing high heels can make a woman sterile.
Starring: Daniel Craig and Samantha Morton
Directed by: Roger Michell
"That's what they said about Jesus."
"Yea, that's also what they said about a lot of mad people."
Enduring Love, a psychological thriller, is the eeriest movie of the year.
Don't bother seeing Saw, a stupefyingly stupid exercise in cinematic sadism. Written and directed by two Australian newcomers, this surprise Sundance Film Festival hit spirals into convolution from scene one.
Adam and Lawrence (co-writers Leigh Whannel and English hambone Cary Elwes) wake up chained to rusty pipes in an underground bathhouse, the latest victims-to-be of the Jigsaw Killer.
I'm so insignificant I can't even kill myself".
Sideways, directed by Alexander Payne (Election, About Schmidt), promotes itself as a "toast to wine, women, and everything that gets better with time". Miles (Paul Giamatti), a balding, neurotic divorce, and his former college roommate, Jack (Thomas Haden Church), go on a one week tour of the central coast of California.
Starring Shane Carruth, David Sullivan.
Directed by Shane Carruth
The smell of popcorn lingers under your nose, the sound of the stranger to your right slurping on his giant soda echoes in your ear, the feel of old gum strategically placed by the asshole who had your seat last rubs against your fingertips.