Lowbrow

On breaks from college in the early years, I slept in the white sleigh bed that I begged for in third grade.
November 17, 2005 at 12:00 am

loss is an unintentional decline in or disappearance of a value rising from a contingency a value is an efficacy a power a brightness it is also a duration -- David Antin, "Definitions for Mendy" If I am to pass on the wisdom amassed in my time alive -- and, as a senior who took a year off before I even started college, I'm old enough to be some of your mothers -- the most important thing I can say is this: life is all about the contingencies.
November 17, 2005 at 12:00 am

To the girl in line in front of me at Mark's Cafe who threw a tantrum because an employee neglected to put soy milk in her Mocha Javalanche: The composition of your afternoon's beverage should not be that important to you.
November 10, 2005 at 12:00 am

Rejections never resonate with me. It's autumn of my senior year, and I just got word on my first job application.
November 10, 2005 at 12:00 am

Ever since I first heard Rufus Wainwright's "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk," I've liked it, because I felt like it was my song.
November 10, 2005 at 12:00 am

Relationships are complicated things, built on trust, faith and honesty. Unfortunately, I'm an untrusting, heretical, liar.
November 3, 2005 at 12:00 am

The first guy ever to run a marathon made it 26 miles and promptly died -- not a good day for ol' Philippine.
November 3, 2005 at 12:00 am

Attention "Penn" students (if that is your real school name): you are being misled by the malicious slanderings of a vagabond ninnypacker with hipster glasses and a working mother.
November 3, 2005 at 12:00 am

College: Naked "artist-liberal" Troll Favorite Sin: Sloth, Gluttony A Day in the Life: Arise at 3 p.m.
October 27, 2005 at 12:00 am

Sometimes I feel like I just don't belong. See, I straddle this dual existence, a dichotomy if you will, where I'm all clean and prep on the outside but soul-shredding head-banger in my core.
October 27, 2005 at 12:00 am

I think the Nava-ho proposition of 2004 was the last straw. Slutty costumes? Shots instead of Snickers?
October 27, 2005 at 12:00 am

It's about 2 a.m. during the last night of N.S.O., and I'm walking home with my roommate. As we pass the dueling tampons on Locust, these two freshman ruffians cross our path and call us names.
October 20, 2005 at 12:00 am

Michael Brett Kind is a Sophomore in the College, hailing from Chicago, well not actually Chicago, but pretty close to it, like a suburb, that's kinda north but not quite a part of it.
October 20, 2005 at 12:00 am

This fall break, I met my match. It's not that I'd thought it impossible, I'd just stopped expecting it.
October 20, 2005 at 12:00 am

Round 1 -- The Obvious 1. For every Jew in the room, take a shot. 2. For every kid from the tri-state area, take a shot. 3.
October 20, 2005 at 12:00 am

According to the U.S. Center for Disease Control, six out of 10 Americans are either overweight or obese, but have you ever noticed how these same large and in charge Americans are obsessed with Disney's Winnie the Pooh?
October 6, 2005 at 12:00 am

Moderated by Alf. We don't know why, either. Alf: Welcome, friends. As an alien living far away from my home planet and native people, I eat cats.
October 6, 2005 at 12:00 am

Being a senior is kind of like being the star of an aging TV show. You have the cool house, the awards and accolades, often a solid following of fans.
October 6, 2005 at 12:00 am

Mischievious -- Do you think the kids would notice if I take off my pants? Yeah, they would. It's hard not to notice my love-baton. Afraid -- Oh man.
October 6, 2005 at 12:00 am

September 29, 2005 at 12:00 am