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(05/26/16 1:46pm)
They hold the door open for us when they pick us up from the airport. They help unload the suitcases you won’t unpack all summer and wheel your rolling backpack into your childhood room. They say they’re so excited to have you home again—for a week before you go to New York, a month before you head back to Philly, maybe even the whole summer. And then, they— parents, siblings, the people you call your family— ask you about Penn. You sure as hell don’t tell the truth.
(04/21/16 2:06am)
Did Fling BLAU (3LAU? Who gives a shit) by for you? Because it did for us. As we all come down from our weekend highs and start to gear up for finals, Highbrow wants to give you one last treat for your VP reprieve. If this semester has taught us anything it’s 1) Don’t kiss and tell, and 2) Definitely don’t piss and tell. But rather than learn from these mistakes, Highbrow’s totally cool with you continuing to make them. The show must go on, right Chance?
(04/21/16 3:11am)
It probably seemed like a good idea at the time. You were gin drunk and just knew that if you didn’t have a sleepover at Barney the Dog’s house you would literally die. Things look different in the cold light of morning. You slept with your contacts in and are wearing a leopard trimmed cocktail dress. Yes you chose this little number post pre–game but still, why do you own it in the first place? Do you escape barefoot or slip back into your stilettos that were already out for blood last night? Where are those heels, anyhow? What time is it? 9:50a.m. Friday morning. “The only way out is through,” you remind yourself as you stare down the front door. Locust Walk looks like a Los Angeles highway and you, the newest Cheetah Girl, make a mad dash through it, saying silent prayers until you reach the Quad. In the process, you run into your Spanish partner who you told you were deathly ill, your Econ TA you have a crush on and even the DP guy who you accept a paper from as penance. Don’t try this one at home, kids.
(04/21/16 3:13am)
Getting into Penn is easy compared to getting into Shoutouts.
(04/21/16 8:00am)
Shoutout to Malia for being the coolest, raddest, best big in the whole world ily To Danny Shulman - I have a questionPenis
(04/20/16 9:18am)
To the guy who booty texted me emojis: I'm an English major. Use your words.
(04/21/16 2:08am)
Motivated Flinger: After making Moscow mules, I've decided to be a professional lime squeezer. As an occupation.
(04/21/16 2:10am)
Ah, FOMO. The silly, sing–song sound of the word is almost as ridiculous as the fact that it’s a legitimate emotion we feel, like, all the time. Otherwise known as “Fear of Missing Out," FOMO comes in many forms. It's that inexplicable pang of anxiety you experience when your friends are ripping shots in the living room, and you’re trying to bullshit a paper due that night. It’s that feeling of tender heartbreak when you miss one weekend at school, and someone tells you about some epic night he or she had. It’s even when you actually go to Pool Party, Owl's Brunch, etc. but see Facebook pictures later of people who don’t just look like they had fun, but that they fucking killed it.
(04/14/16 1:48am)
Twas’ the night before Fling, and all throughout Penn, not a student was working, but blackout by ten. Bankers handles arranged on the counter with care, in the hopes that the pregame would render them bare. And the freshmen all nestled in their shitty dorm beds, while visions of debauchery danced in their heads.
(04/13/16 5:32pm)
WuFoo Form
(04/14/16 1:54am)
1. The strait–laced kid from your recitation who is raging harder than you are.
(04/14/16 1:39am)
Power Bottom: I could use a nine inch dick in my ass right about now.
(04/14/16 1:57am)
So, you’re gonna act all uninformed at first, like, “Oh—DJ Three–Lau, who the hell is that?” And trick your friends into thinking that you don’t know how to say his (her? LOL another good joke!) name by dropping “DJ Bee–Lau”on them. You’ll seem so informed because at first you faked them out like you didn’t know stuff, but now you do know stuff. Comedy!
(04/14/16 9:57am)
Here are a few that have worked in the past: “Ping Pong? More like fling flong,” “Give me some immodium, because I have a terrible case of flingarrhea,” and “My parents don’t love me but at least fling does!”
(04/14/16 1:56am)
Because sometimes puns and pop culture references get old.
(04/14/16 7:11am)
$20—Cover charge at fling downtown
(04/07/16 9:00am)
The acceptance rate for the Penn Class of 2020 was a jaw dropping 9.4%. As a current high school junior it might feel like your dream of being a Quaker will never come true...and well, for 90.6% of you, you’re probably right. But there are a few things you can do to give yourself an edge.
(04/07/16 2:40am)
For those who are still somehow making it to classes nowadays, you’ve probably been harassed once or
twice by a flyerer on Locust. To alleviate your stresses,
Highbrow’s dishing out something you’ll actually
want to read. Before you commit yourself to seeing
five performing arts shows this weekend, we need to
aca–tell–ya all things brunch and all–around bold. In
case you need a little more than some aural fixation,
the Round Up is here to satisfy your gossip cravings.
(04/07/16 2:49am)
1st Floor: You’re here to jog and
be seen, and don’t mind running into
everyone you know.
(04/07/16 9:00am)
What better way to welcome your baby Quaker to Penn than to introduce them to the number one leading cause of falling down the stairs into their vomit–soaked fracket, peeing on a wall adjacent to the bathroom for no apparent reason and drunk texting their ex who they haven’t talked to for a solid three years? Luckily, it also seems to cause selective amnesia.