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Campus Life

How to: Be a brandster

Frankly, we don't care who you are. Your personality bores us, as does your pathetic attempts at conversation.

by GRANT GINDER

You are what you wear

In prehistoric times, a person's apparel was a testament to physical agility and hunting prowess. Your apparel was only as spectacular as the animal you had the ability to kill.

by 34TH STREET

Original sin

When Eve plucked the apple from the tree in the Garden of Eden so many spring seasons ago, she was hungry.

by GENA KATZ

Best Dressed hipmeter

HIP Three-piece suits Lacoste t-shirts Cashmere sweaters True Religion Jeans Non-poofy North Face jackets Vans Marc Jacobs garments Tabard sweatshirts Patterned galoshes SmartWool socks Flip-flops Long underwear Poofy North Face jackets Theta sweatshirts Polo garments Fringy scarves Brand new purple Chuck Taylors Popped collars PhiSig Sweatshirts Penn clothing Abercrombie & Fitch Surf Shack T-Shirts Mavi jeans Juicy Couture garments Uggs Anne Taylor Loft garments Donovan McNabb jerseys NOT HIP

by 34TH STREET

How to: Get sprung

Ever since my parents found out about the Internet, and, clever elders that they are, realized they could read my contributions to Street online, penning my Spring Break memoirs has risks.

by GENA KATZ

To tan or not to tan?

It's probably a good idea not to get tanned before you get tanned (and by tanned we mean tanned and also drunk), as was initially the premise of this pre-Spring Break tanning investigation, because the whole thing is a lot more complicated than you might think.

by YONA SILVERMAN

Premature ejaculation

In 1996, when I was in seventh grade, my mother told me I dressed like a homeless person. Although the '90s saw an economic growth in the US that had never before been seen or even imagined in any country in history (never mind the 80 other countries we smashed to smithereens on our way to the top), the fashion-minded youth chose to adorn themselves with baggy flannels, tent-like Stussy T-shirts, and ragged, snaggle-cuffed JNCOs of Herculean proportions, all teeming with lice and God knows what other breed of infectious bacteria due to a generational phobia of soap and water.

by NICKIE HUANG

Blow me hootie

The hits just keep on coming as VH1 produces yet another series that celebrates our love for analyzing life ten years at a time.

by ANDREW TEJERINA

Our So-called lives

We, like, totally love Angela Chase. At the ripe age of 15, she taught us that life, love and plaid/flannel combinations -- while difficult -- are all A-OK.

by 34TH STREET

Reach for the sky

You know that summer in St. Trop is only fun if you avoid the army of wrinkled German men in thongs and retreat to Les Caves du Roy nightly.

by CLARE OCONNOR

Eurobash

It's 1:20 a.m. on a Thursday night, and I've lost my dignity. I become painfully aware of this as the heel of my shoe cleaves itself between two bricks and interrupts the flow of my hopping up and down.

by ISABEL COWLES

How to be: Eurotrash

You don't need to know where St. Tropez is to be hip. I mean, let's face it: it's going to take a lot more than that.

by GRANT GINDER

I see london, I see france

OK, so the Owls are a bunch of douchebags. Sure, they come from Paris and Athens -- but we're talking Texas and Georgia, not France and Greece.

by 34TH STREET

Mississippi Mastectomies

Facing the Music, a collection of short stories by Mississippi native Larry Brown, is a cutting-edge interpretation of modern day relationships . Brown, who died in late 2004, infuses every character and thought with a melodic time-elapsing droll -- a tradition of Southern authors since the days of Faulkner.

by 34TH STREET

How to: Be geek chic

Tina Fey. Seth Cohen. Lisa Loeb, Gwen Eudey. Face it: you've got a hard-on for geeks. From the black-rimmed glasses to their witty Friendster profiles, you go nutty for nerds.

by GRANT GINDER

It's hip to be square

Remember when dense, overgrown Neanderthals with biceps for brains, chest hair before the sixth grade and vocabularies consisting only of homophobic slurs and "you suck" were the Brahmin of the social hierarchy at school?

by 34TH STREET

Social Darwinism

Don't be fooled by the cover of Groton-alum Curtis Sittenfeld's classy debut novel -- Prep. While the pink and green grosgrain belt around the book's middle may bring to mind your wasted summer on Nantucket or that yachtie you fondled at the Newport-Bermuda after-party, Prep's protagonist is not an elitist snob like you and I.

by CLARE OCONNOR

Be like Bill

The students at the University of Pennsylvania attend classes in order to quench their thirst for learning, to develop analytical and investigative mental abilities and to further their quest for divine truth and knowledge.

by NICKIE HUANG

How To: Spot a fake

If you consider Louis Vuitton Murakami handbags, driver's licenses and Elvis, you will find that everything really meaningful in life is necessarily followed by an imitation.

by NICKIE HUANG

Get With The Picture

Some of us are just naturally endowed with big ones. It's what distinguishes the men from the boys, the haves from the have-nots and the rock stars from the fan clubs.

by 34TH STREET

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