Hit It or Quit It
Hit it: Cuffing season
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Hit it: Cuffing season
After spending too much time pretending like Penn actually has a syllabus week (or two), it’s time to start acting like the well–brought–up, sophisticated geniuses we all think we are. While we should've been hitting Van Pelt, we decided to do what we do best and hit the floor, the sidewalk, HUP, and any of the other places one finds themselves at 2 a.m, on a Friday night. For some, the biggest mistake of the weekend was waiting for that Greek Lady omelette for 45 minutes. For others, the word “mistake” doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Wharton students are feeling something nobody knew they were capable of: shame. In the week after President Trump’s inauguration, many students have noticed a curious phenomenon. When asked where they attend school, instead of saying “Wharton” they now answer with a resounding “University of Pennsylvania.”
Dear Mr. Trump,
At exactly 12:01 p.m. last Friday, the frantic five–hour process to move Barack Obama out and Donald Trump into the White House began.
Hit it: House Party
In a press release this morning, President Amy Gutmann announced that Van Pelt will be torn down and replaced with a Trump Hotel and Golf Course.
I was once a male sugar baby—well, a potential one. In search of financial stability, and and inspired by @yungfumes on Snapchat (an Internet personality who's open about her sugar baby, stripper and student lifestyle), I made an account on seekingarrangement.com and started looking for a sugar daddy.
College students have long ago discovered the effect marijuana has on your taste buds and appetite, but with the legalization of marijuana, weed and food pairings have become part of an upscale dining trend in Colorado. At Cultivating Spirits, food, wine and weed pairing dinners are sold to interested diners from about $250–$450 per person. The website claims that these pairings can be the next big trend in dining, and judging by a few gushing Yelp reviews—and even more on Facebook—customers agree. But until marijuana becomes decriminalized in Philly, we're left to our own devices to whip up these combos.
Amy Gutmann and several other high–ranking Penn officials, including Provost Vincent Price, were spotted earlier today at the grand re–opening of Sweetgreen. Gutmann and her colleagues made impromptu speeches to the crowd gathered to celebrate the popular salad chain’s recent renovation.
Boy with big ego but even bigger wallet: I will literally Venmo the professor to get into this class.
With only one day until our President is a toupee–wearing version of the Lorax, Highbrow has decided to go #unfiltered just like good ol’ Donald would do. You’ve had your break from our drama, but now we’re back and going to reveal some shit that could use Olivia Pope’s damage control.
(Philadelphia, PA)—
Hit it: Canadian Citizenship
Fashionable in every season. Hopefully, you already own a pair and we didn’t have to tell you to get these. It’s much easier to ignore flyers on Locust when you’re wheeling past ‘em at the speed of light.
Senior Lauren Conway can now add “Nobel Laureate” to her resume.
Every now and then, we all need a minute to de–stress, relax and kick back with a good ol' lungful of marijuana. Sadly, however, finding a convenient place on campus is never actually that easy. Sure, you could go to the Biopond, but you risk being trite and cliché (come on people, Biopond is so freshman year). Luckily, Street is here to help you stray from the beaten path and find some other cool spots on campus to light up.
Internship applications are clogging your to–do list, but don't worry: Street's compiled a list of quick, peppy, impactful words that will help spice up the resume you haven’t looked at since last May (unless you’re working in finance, in which case, I would suggest watching The Big Short to understand the vocabulary you’ll be working with).
Last week on Keeping Up With the Weasley's: ings are not well at the Burrow with this family of blood traitors.
Rita Skeeter here. For those who don’t know, I’m the witchiest woman with a quill and I’m not afraid to use it. If you’re upset about me dragon your name through the mud, welcome to the real wizarding world, where your own little chambers of secrets don’t exist. So buckle up first–years, because this past week was enchantingly eventful. Not everyone likes a snitch, but I certainly do.
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