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(02/07/08 5:00am)
At Penn, it seems that living off-campus is the thing to do. You can't escape the hype. Think you're safe during a harmless, hung-over search for challah French toast? Think again. At least you can take comfort that it's not the syrup but the not-so-subliminal message of the mural on Izzy and Zoe's wall that's so cloying.
(01/31/08 5:00am)
It's time for a PSA, afterschool-special style. Yes, this is a public service announcement, dear readers, that tomorrow is February 1st: the big 02/01/08.
(01/24/08 5:00am)
I've been electrocuted. Twice.
(11/01/07 4:00am)
It's family weekend. Your main objective: convince your parents that the $50,000 they shell out each year provides you with the academic and social enrichment that you will need to enter the world as a respectable (and hopefully well-paid) citizen. Unfortunately, you can't let your parents know that their hard-earned money also finances your binge drinking, drug use, and birth control. Whether it's your first semester here at Penn or your fifth, Parent's Weekend is, if nothing else, a collision of your two worlds. For the last few months, no one has had control over whether your bed is made each morning, whether your underwear is picked up off the floor, or whether you've been making it home by curfew and all-around behaving yourself. And no one ever has to know. The key is fooling them into believing that their hard work as parents over the last two decades has paid off. We owe them that pleasant illusion.
(11/01/07 4:00am)
John Edwards wants to provide college for everyone. Ivy League organizes joint capital campaign in protest.
(11/01/07 4:00am)
Nicolas Sarkozy:
(11/01/07 4:00am)
'Tis the day after Halloween and all through Upenn
(10/18/07 4:00am)
Radiohead, the critically acclaimed, genre-bending rock act, is homeless. Not literally, of course - you won't find Thom Yorke begging for pocket pence outside the Tube. But after six albums in the cozy company of EMI, the Oxford quintet finds itself without a record label. With the release of their latest record, In Rainbows, they're out to prove they don't need one.
(10/18/07 4:00am)
Dear Penn arquitectural community,
We have not ever formally been introduced, but, if my sources are correct, you design buildings around campus or watch, in a quiet silence, as they are built. Hello.
I've been at Penn for three years now and I think it is time that we cleared up a few truths. I want to start with a little compliment. It is about David Rittenhouse Labs. good one. I bet you all were laughing your asses off when you got that one built, and I say good for you. Everyone needs a good laugh now and then, and who does not love an engineering building that has hallways that end abruptly, no windows, and an actual labyrinth in the basement? The irony is both funny and impressive. Check plus for you. Way to go.
I also want to commend you on your design for Van Pelt library. Never have I felt as safe from the archer's bow as I do when I am on floors 3-6 which seem to be as solidly fortified as a Moorish Castle. Thanks for your care and concern. It is truly touching. Next time we are under attack by a 16th century army, I know where I am going to be.
I would like to bring it to your attention, though, that many of the recent constructions around campus are, well, ugly. And not ugly like Eleanor Roosevelt ugly where stature takes away from inbreeding. I am talking ugly like the feeling when your pants split down the bum. Ugly inside and out.
I am not saying things like, 'your choice of cement for walls remind me of my time in the slammer', or 'those brick pillars make your edifices look fat.' I am sure the buildings have great personalities and are really interesting one on one, but they are not making it into the brochures or even on a Kite and Key tour. To be honest, they scare people.
No, friends, those tours go to places like the Quad and Fisher Fine Arts Library. Those buildings are pretty. Asian tourists take their photos there. Where you may put stark concrete walls, they have ornate brick-work. Where you may build a doorway liken to that of an entry way to a morgue, they have elaborate archways. Not that morgues and concrete are not great, but maybe not the best for a college campus.
So. I challenge you to raise up your fists and make something beautiful. Next time you see a building called 'Domus' or 'The Hub' make your voice be heard. "We want real words!" It is the start of the Century Campaign and the dolla$ are going to flowin'. Let's use them for good and not modern art that makes us feel sad inside. Stand strong and always remember. Ugly begins with you.
(10/04/07 4:00am)
Differentiating between friends has always been stressful. Remember first grade with the heart-halves necklaces? That tetherball might be aimed at your head during recess if a non-BFF was hurt that you gave the BE- FRI- side to someone else.
(10/04/07 4:00am)
Hello. To save room on all formalities, I say we just jump right in and get started. Ladies and gentlemen, there is a saying that goes something like: the gods were bored and so they created man.
Following that pattern and so on and so on (et cetera, et cetera) until all things were created like the internet and slinkiesr we find, using statistical regressions, of course, that this seed of apathy, this marble of listlessness spreads across time and space in a continuum. It hops in and out of black holes and resonates in the hearts of man and woman - you and me. It is terrible.
Not to say that this boredom is so much a pandemic nor the sole reason that life seems a little flat right now. This could just be me and this could be too much self-projection, but to me it seems like a trend. Just say the words OCR or other four letter words like LSAT, MCAT or by far the most traumatizing phrase 'future plans' to anyone above the age of sophomore and the groans and sounds of anguish resonate like church bells in the Grand Canyon.
What I am trying to convey is that yesterday my debit card was graciously declined because it expired when the month of nine-oh-seven ended. The fact that it passed to ten with little celebration is problematic as well as concerning. It is October, and I am bored as crap. I say we throw open the windows and at least exclaim something. It is October! Things could be worse, let's make love to the world.
It is October and we should be celebrating like tomorrow the ice caps are all going to melt and all the polar bears are going to drown (they probably are). As MIMS and Al Gore would agree and probably say in unison, "this is why I'm hot. This is why I'm hot. This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot." In short: carbon.
We have a great issue this week, and we are not just farting around anymore. Roll up this magazine and hit yourself once on the head and twice for your neighbor. Wake up! Throw your slinkyr out the window and pay attention. Britney lost her kids, but there is a new episode of The Office on tonight. Listen, there were coupons in the DP and North Korea and South Korea are finally talking. That is pretty fantastic. It is going to be an amazing week. Hang in there and read on, readers. We have just the stuff to defunkify your week five. Of this, I am sure.
(09/27/07 4:00am)
Dear my esteemed readers,
(09/20/07 4:00am)
Hello. Welcome back, and if you are new to us, you are probably picking up on something right about now.Thursday = 34th Street. Sort of like how the ancient Mayans kept a calendar using the sun and the moon, you now have an Arts & Entertainment magazine to help you do the calculations that it is Thursday.
(09/13/07 4:00am)
Listen up, readers, lend me your ears and your eyes for just a moment. This, here in your very hands, is a magazine called 34th Street Magazine. To clear up a few things to start, we are here to entertain you, hence our status as an Arts & Entertainment magazine with a stress on both the former and the latter.
(04/19/07 4:00am)
Paint Yourself Navy
(04/19/07 4:00am)
To whom it may concern: It is Thursday. It is raining.
(04/12/07 4:00am)
Welcome to our magazine! This is a special week for Street, and as other things rose last week, we will follow in suit and, and to be a little prosy myself, give a little rebirth to the Street literary issue. Literally is it back (and we are oh so punny). Yes, it is baaaacck and better than ever.
(04/12/07 4:00am)
A note from the editor:
(04/05/07 4:00am)
Perhaps trying too hard to "Finally [Make You] Happy," Macy Gray's most recent album, Big, moves away from Gray's identifiably scratchy brand of R&B/soul towards a more sell-out sound of popular funk. The album takes a divergent path towards a soul-alicious rhythm, blending sounds familiar to producer Ron Fair's pop-funk treatment of the Black Eyed Peas.
(04/05/07 4:00am)
Well, hello. This week Street is full of facts (and Shoutouts, see pg .17), and to begin I will tell you a not-so-secret Street-cret. April is National Poetry Month and Street is going to start the month off right - after perhaps starting the month off wrong with some very unfunny April Fool's jokes (c.f. the masthead, apparently Leprosy is no longer funny). And since we are a magazine full of words and it takes words to make poetry as well, I thought I would just hopscotch over some formalities (aka writing whole sentences) and write a poem special for you. Ahem.