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(02/18/16 8:26pm)
Maybe this could be one of those weird rap sequences Disney tries to introduce to get rid of their rep for stereotypical musical ballads. Throw in some rhymes about the various ingredients, which shouldn’t be too hard because almost every ingredient in Pop Tarts ends in –ose, and then calculate the distance from your bed to whatever dining hall you’re contemplating visiting instead.
(02/11/16 3:41am)
Whether you’re painfully single or a star–crossed lover,
you can always count on Highbrow to be your Valentine.
Consider us your secret admirer, your anonymous
source delivering you tidbits of (tough) love every
week. Roses are red, violets are blue. Just be thankful in the Round Up, we never say who.
(02/11/16 3:17am)
I took a break after class to go against millennia of finely tuned human evolution and
get the hair waxed off of my vagina, since for some reason looking pre–pubescent is in
right now. I recorded the experience so others can make informed decisions and/or get a
glimpse into the fun and flirty life of the modern female.
(02/11/16 3:14am)
An estimated 3.3 million men between the ages of 15 and 44 years in America are currently at risk of exposing people around them to nausea and disgust because they are drinking, attempting to hit on another person, and not using self–control. About half of all US pickup lines are unplanned. Even when planned, most men don’t know their target until 1–2 hours into the night. This means a man might be drinking and subjecting people around him to equally unfortunate practice runs without knowing it.
(02/11/16 10:15am)
Lonely on Valentine’s Day this year? We’re happy to tell you that you’re not alone. With these helpful Tinder tips you’ll find a Netflix & Chiller–in–crime in no time.
(02/11/16 5:33pm)
Are you looking to add some much–needed spice to your Valentine’s Day? Thankfully, we at Street were able to get some valuable V–Day advice from the sex gurus over at Cosmo to make this February 14th the one you’ve been dreaming of.
(02/11/16 3:58am)
The "Just Started Talking" Couple
(02/11/16 3:16am)
Wherever you go throughout the day– whether it be to drown your lonely sorrows in a banana whip or to CVS to buy condoms to keep up the façade that you’ll be getting some tonight –pick someone on your route and walk at the exact same speed as them. If you’re feeling confident, you could test out the waters and walk with your hand in their back pocket. Everyone knows that’s what couples do, so fake it til you make it.
(02/11/16 3:18am)
You’re probably saving money to go and visit each other, so a cheap but thoughtful gift is in your best interest. Lovebrow suggests crafting a doll of yourself out of your shower hair. If you live in a dorm, you already have to collect your hair from the drain, so this is an entirely practical, minimal effort and endearing gift to all.
(02/11/16 3:48am)
Guy in the McNeil stairwell: Girls get wet when they see my rice cooker.
(02/11/16 3:50am)
Candid statistics professor:
A lot of you don't
know this about me, but I
grew up with cocaine.
(02/04/16 4:20am)
Street: Okay, let’s start with the basics. What’s your major?
(02/04/16 10:17am)
Tis the sneeze–in for snotty noses and even (s)naughtier situations. If you think your sore throat is bad, at least be thankful that you're not being featured in the Round Up this week. We've collected some real patho–gems to remedy your sickness blues. Because if there’s one thing everyone needs to learn, it’s that at Penn, gossip is more contagious than mono on your freshman hall.
(02/04/16 10:00am)
Jewish boy in Hillel: Anyway, I was born
jaundiced.
(02/04/16 10:00am)
As if the theatrical ending wasn’t sad enough, the original one had young Forrest screaming to the older one, “You’re not my daddy! My mommy is a lying whore!” Wow, bring on the feels!
(02/04/16 10:15am)
Joseph Kosuth proposes in his most recent installation at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, An Elementary Parallelism, that art and life are one and the same, and college is all about seeing life through new perspectives. The work is a homage to Duchamp, and it combines preparatory drawings from both "Green Box" and "White Book." Penn students looking to find non–traditional art in a museum that mostly focuses on older movements will be highly pleased to encounter this exhibition in the modern art wing of the hallmark Philly institution. Also, it's just fun to go to if you're high or drunk (and even sober).
(02/04/16 10:00am)
(Los Angeles, California) Most film producers are absolutely thrilled to be releasing this year's slate of movies. “We’ve learned from previous years what makes a great movie. So we’re building off of our successful past by doing the exact same thing, over and over again,” said a spokesperson for Paramount Pictures. “This year, we are releasing the 13th installment of the Star Trek series. It will have aliens and shit.” When asked how it will be different from previous installments of the series, the spokesperson merely responded, “It won’t be.”
(02/04/16 10:00am)
You're all fucking dropped.
(02/10/16 12:23am)
Winner: Frozen
(02/04/16 10:06am)
All those memes of Ryan Gosling being feminist and wonderful are really just relics of his past occupation. He worked for quite sometime restoring women’s faith in men after they were screwed over by one too many John Mayer wannabes.