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Word on the Street

Word on the Street: Life 101

I think our understanding of a “general education” needs an update. Living World and Formal Reasoning are, in theory, useful subject matters.


Word on the Street: Drag Me To Heaven

It’s 1 a.m. on Thursday morning and I’m sandwiched between a mirrored wall and four drag queens at a booth in an empty gay bar.


Word on the Street: The Lucky Ones

Last Thursday, Penn released its regular admission decisions for the class of 2018. Only 9.9% of the 35,868 applicants were accepted.


Word on the Street: An Hour of Our Own

Penn breeds Winners. Every hour of every day, we’re Achieving and becoming Leaders. And it never stops. 6–8 a.m., we’re competing for the title of “Woke Up Earliest to Do Homework.” 9–11 a.m., the game is on for “Has Too Much Class to Eat Breakfast.” 12–3 p.m., “Spent the Longest Amount of Time at Pottruck.” 4–6 p.m., “Too Much Volunteering to Eat Dinner.” 7–9 p.m., “Finished Lab Report Before Pregame.” 10–12 a.m., “Took Most Shots Without Blacking Out.” 1–3 a.m., “Stayed Out the Latest, No FOMO.” 4–6 a.m., “Slept the Least.” We just can’t stop competing, against our friends and ourselves.


Word on the Street: Our Better Half

We didn’t ask for this to be easy. We didn’t come to Penn looking for a relaxing four–year spring break.


Word on the Street: Sharing Semen

Walking out of VP on Saturday afternoon, I had five new Grindr messages. Booyah. Three messages were from an old “professional type” looking for a twinky college boy, and the others were from a steamy grad student in the School of Design.


Word on the Street: Four

[Trigger warning: Rape and Sexual Assault] Yesterday I turned 20. If we’re talking numbers, mine is 22.


Word on the Street: Picture Imperfect

[media-credit name="Eve Bowers" align="alignright" width="225"][/media-credit] I struggle with depression.


Word on the Street: I'm Your Crazy Girlfriend

“Don’t ever, ever call me again, you low–life scum, you trash!” I hang up with finality, promising that this is the last time I break up with my on–again, off–again “boyfriend”—at least, that’s what I think I’m supposed to call him.


Word on the Street: What's my Age Again?

“Are you a freshman?” I slurred through a vodka cranberry haze as I flirted with the first hot guy I met during NSO this semester.


Word on the Street: Your 2014 New Year's Resolutions

Eat something for lunch other than a bagel from Mark’s/ No more sex in cabs/ Finally get with the boys on the Radian 14th floor/ Tell my thesis advisor what I really think of her/ Have sex in the bathroom of all four campus bars/ Stop farting in public/ Understand foreskin/ Stop hooking up with guys I can’t stand/ Stop pretending not to know people on Locust/ Be less bitchy to my mother/ Stop apologizing so much/ Use one weight machine at Pottruck without embarrassing and injuring myself (or others)/ Actually remember all the fun I have when I wake up the next morning/ Skinny dip in the Schuylkill/ Learn how to walk in heels/ Do something for someone else every day/ Know what is going on in the world beyond Penn/ Go to an Elmo naked party...naked this time/ Start working out during the mornings/ Stop walking from Starbucks to Van Pelt to Williams back to Starbucks looking for a place to study/ Stop walking around aimlessly in general/ Stop trying to run into that single person on Locust/ Cook more meals at home/ TEAR DOWN THE PATRIARCHY/Make THEOS irrelevant/ Ensure that the Wizard of Farts graduates so his power never sees Locust Walk again/ Stop only dating Jewish boys/ Stop hooking up with boys in the same lineage/ Stop reading CollegiateACB/ Get fucked in the ass more (or is that not highbrow enough?)/ Be fucking happy/ Have sex with a TA/ Learn that pizza isn’t a reliable friend/ Find someone to treat my tender boy pussy the right way/ Stop saying “You too” to the woman at Commons who tells me to have a good dinner/ Get gayer #nohetero/ Tell him my favorite part of the night is when he hugs me goodbye/ Get APES kicked off campus... oh wait/ Pee on Ben Franklin and not get arrested/ Take a full piss without hitting the rim or floor once/ NO MORE INSOMNIA COOKIES/ Wear my Greek letters more often/ Finally get with the boy I’ve liked since NSO freshman year/ Destroy more egos by not faking orgasms anymore/ Stop using people as social experiments/ Get head every time I give head/ Enjoy being able-bodied and young/ Read one book per week/ Eat more green things/ Don’t get ice cream after EVERY run/ Stop accidentally sending dick snapchats to my aunt/ Not pay for cheats on Candy Crush/ Cut down on my Tinder use/ Never set foot in Pike again/ Make out with a closeted frat guy at Smokes’/ Develop a consistent morning routine/ Have something that at least resembles a real relationship/ Smoke less pot and snort less cocaine/ Learn to not determine my self–worth in relation to other people/ Not accidentally make out with a 55-year-old again/ Give less fucks/ Floss.


Word on the Street: Everybody Has a Story

The other day, I was reading in Van Pelt when a girl in my sorority walked by. I waved hello as she passed and she came back to chat.


Word on the Street: Victoria's Secret

“That’s it?” My first and only boyfriend stared with dismay at my pale, exposed 32A boobs. That was the first time I let a boy take off my bra.


Word on the Street: Things You Can't Black Out

“Mommy’s on the floor and she won’t get up.” Normally, I’d be mad at my sister for interrupting my homework, but on an otherwise regular Wednesday night of my junior year of high school, I knew that her tear–stained cheeks and panicked words overrode the importance of my A.P.


Word on the Street: Taunted, Not Teased

At some point during my freshman year, I found myself alone with a guy I’d just met. He had dark hair and eyes, I think, and his name was a generic one I soon forgot.


Word On The Street: Sisters (Should Be) Doin’ It For Themselves

This was written as a response to a previous Word on the Street, which can be found here.  Yes, America is changing its thoughts on marijuana.


Word on the Street: In Defense of Potheads

Admittedly, I started on this train of thought while I was high. The eating–Doritos–in–bed–alone, binge–watching–"Family Guy"–on–Netflix type of high [ed note: is there another kind?]. The fact that a lot of my peer group (basically my entire peer group) smokes weed is not news.


Word on the Street: Blame it on the Adderall

Coming to Penn, we were curious about three things: Sex, alcohol and drugs—mainly, Adderall.  The sex part was obvious.


Word on the Street: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Swipe Right

Tap photo: mutual friends, mutual interests—swipe right. Tap photo: no friends, no interests—swipe left.


Word on the Street: iPhone–solation

This past summer, I was just one of a thousand eager Penn students interning in New York. Four trains—and an hour and a half of smelling body odor—later, I commuted to the Brooklyn–based office from my boring Jersey suburb to gain “experience” and seize “opportunity.” I learned the ropes of tri–state area public transportation, hustled through the corporate crowds of Wall Street and hopped across the East River to be among the hipsters of Park Slope.



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