Druggie Dumbledore: P.S. I enjoy acid pops.
By 34th Street Magazine
GrandMILF with no boundaries: How many of you know where your foreskins went?
By 34th Street Magaine
Confused soul: Wait, so only one of your moms is a lesbian?
Incest enabler: Come on, you’d totally date him if he wasn’t your brother.
Lonely narcissist: The only boy that’s called me pretty this week was a homeless man.
Quizzical horndog: Do you think vegans swallow? Like, are they allowed to?
Person we kind of want to die soon: At my funeral, I want people to do lines off my coffin, but instead of cocaine, I want it to be my ashes.
Champ: I can’t believe I happy hour–ed for four hours
Most Relatable Girl Ever: I have no reason to believe this, but I'm like, pretty sure I'm pregnant.
Elitist Settler: And so all of my aunts are from Idaho and that’s just like not one of the 13 colonies, you know?
FroGro cashier: Her waist was about eight inches, but her booty was infinite.
Rejected Freshman at Phi: But I was here for Quaker Days!
Quad Security Guard inspecting Vitamin D pills: Are these narcotics?
Stat Prof: Technically it's not about the size, it's how you use it.
Guy in Frontera: Major in econ. The power of money compels you.
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