Every year we’re stunned by Penn students’ sheer inability to submit funny shoutouts. Since you never learn, we’re making an example of some particularly heinous submissions. We’re not laughing with you, we’re laughing at you.
Girl on phone: She wore leopard print to a wake? What the hell is wrong with her?
Sorority girl: Can’t a girl get some decent peanut butter in the Republic?!
Junior girl: I’ll Venmo you a blowjob.
Guy: I just don’t know what to do.
Fratstar: Go take a poopy!
MBA: People without iPhones are ruining my life.
SDT girl: Wait, guys, how do you spell sorority? Because when I text it, my phone says “porn pity.”
Frat guy: Dude, tonight I’m gonna play spin the bottle in my head and wing man for you in whatever direction it lands.
Girl walking in the rain: Ugh, walking and holding an umbrella at the same time is such a struggfest.
Tabard chick 1: What are you doing tonight?
Tabard chick 2: Who are you doing tonight?
More from Highbrow:
True Life: I Hate My Roommate
Word on the Street: My European F.O.M.O.
Toasts & Roasts
Bearded Man on Beige: She should've known that a guy who has his name tattooed on his dick is bad news.
Chick in a TriDelt hat: Maybe the rumors are true and I do have rabies!
Friend: You’re not foaming at the mouth.