Girl on phone: She wore leopard print to a wake? What the hell is wrong with her?
Sorority girl: Can’t a girl get some decent peanut butter in the Republic?!
Junior girl: I’ll Venmo you a blowjob.
Guy: I just don’t know what to do.
Fratstar: Go take a poopy!
MBA: People without iPhones are ruining my life.
SDT girl: Wait, guys, how do you spell sorority? Because when I text it, my phone says “porn pity.”
Frat guy: Dude, tonight I’m gonna play spin the bottle in my head and wing man for you in whatever direction it lands.
Girl walking in the rain: Ugh, walking and holding an umbrella at the same time is such a struggfest.
Tabard chick 1: What are you doing tonight?
Tabard chick 2: Who are you doing tonight?
More from Highbrow:
True Life: I Hate My Roommate
Word on the Street: My European F.O.M.O.
Toasts & Roasts